Wet Hot American Summer quotes

View Quote "Arty, I need you to take a shower... 'Cause your parents are coming tomorrow. I don't want to get in trouble... Cause you haven't taken a shower once yet this summer... Arty, take a shower. You're covered in dirt."

View Quote "Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them."

View Quote "Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer... director slash choreographer of this talent show. I mean, you were wrong to do that. I need you to know I have been busting my BALLS woman! I am telling you the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living HELL! *long pause* All right, I'll put him last."

View Quote "I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here! I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here!!!"

View Quote "I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend the last dinner together, be proud of who you are! Look at me, Ma, I made it! I'm okay!"

View Quote "I want you inside me!"

View Quote "Listen, Coop. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this. Andy's really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He's like this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story, like when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna Andy. I wanna take him and grab him and just **** his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you. But you're really nice, I mean everybody thinks so. And, I'm sorry if this isn't the direction you saw things going between us. I still totally wanna be friends. You better write me a letter, okay?"

View Quote "McKinley, four lower campers are stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday, but could you get to it now?"

View Quote "Ok, stop! I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys! God, am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it! Take a break! Think about what you've done."

View Quote "Wait, Katie! When we first started hanging out together this morning, we were just friends, but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. And, I ju-I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So, I'm coming to you, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man, a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her, and yes-have sex with her, but no seriously Katie, I-I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I-I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual, all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you."

View Quote "Well, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers."

View Quote "You listen to me, Mr. Kickass. Mr. Rubber Burner. You wipe that hot shot grin off your face or I'll shoot it off ya!"

View Quote "You listen to me, you ****ed up, little cigarette smoking piece of shit, I was in the Vietnam War!"

View Quote Andy: You French great.
Lindsay: You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man.

View Quote Beth: Hey you, penny for your thoughts.
Henry: Beth, tomorrow is the least of our problems.
Beth: Don't tell me, Oh don't tell me, don't even tell me you have crabs!
Henry: No... Well, yes, but that's not the point.