Wet Hot American Summer quotes

View Quote Gene: Now finish up them taters, I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gary: Come on - what?
Gene: Finish up the taters.
Gary: And then what did you say?
Gene: And then what did I say?
Gary: You said you were going to... fondle your sweaters.
Gene: Ah, uh - no I didn't. I said fondue with cheddar, I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight.
Gary: No Gene, that is not what you said.
Gene: That is what I said. Fondue with cheddar.

View Quote Gene:...I've seen more ****ed up shit out there in five minutes than you've seen in your whole life.
Gary: Well, I'm sorry Gene, and if I could change history I would, but-
Gene: **** you! Now we need fifteen gallons of bug juice by snack time, do you know where the powder packets are?
Gary: Yeah.
Gene: In the pantry above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream, Wait... Forget that last comment.
Gary: Did you say dick cream?
Gene: No! I said ... stick... team, you know stick team! Stickball! Go away leave me alone!

View Quote Henry: Hey Beth, like the new look. Tres chic
Beth: Thank you, Henry...
Henry: Please, call me Henry.
Beth: Okay, Henry it is.

View Quote J.J.: He gets so uncomfortable whenever we talk openly about sexual issues. You know he's never been with a girl before.
Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate" And I think you know what I'm talking about.
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead. Sex.

View Quote Katie: Well, I just wanna spend some time with you, you know? It's our last day at camp.
Andy: My butt itches.
Katie: What are you talking about. Hey, we're soulmates right?
Andy: What? Yeah, whatever, if you want... J.J. save me a waffle man!

View Quote Lindsay: Hey, what'cha writin on?
Andy: My gurnal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Lindsay: Oh, you mean a journal?
Andy: Yeah, whatever. Guess I'm not all smart like you.

View Quote Mallrat Girl: There's got to be another way.
Cure Girl: Maybe we should just let them all die.
Mork Guy: No! My friend Jimmy's in there!
Cure Girl: You have a friend?
Mork Guy: I'm kidding.

View Quote Susie: You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place.
Coop: Me, too.
Ben: Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Lindsay: Yeah!
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Ben: Yeah.
Coop: Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30?
Coop: Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? I mean, we're all gonna be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary: Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together: Agreed.
McKinley: Great, 'cause I have something at 11:00.
Gary: You've just got like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley: No, I just, I have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.

View Quote Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stat from Millburn, New Jersey. State bird, the mosquito. And as you may have heard I am recently a crowned class B dungeon-master. So if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace. Anyone? Alexa! Maybe you would like to join in? We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast a level 5 charm spell on me. (Alexa: In your dreams, douche-bag!) Douche-bags are hygienic products, I take that as a compliment. Thank you.

View Quote **** you, ****!

View Quote If you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it. Look Gene, I've never told anyone this before, but I can suck my own dick, and I do it a lot.

View Quote Lindsay, you've got barbecue sauce all over your face... It's pretty foul.

View Quote You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.