Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? quotes

View Quote George: All I said was that our son, the apple of our three eyes — Martha being a cyclops — our son is a beanbag, and you get testy!
Nick: I'm sorry, it's late! I'm tired. I've been drinking since nine o'clock, my wife is vomiting… there's been a lot of screaming going on around here!
George: So you get testy, naturally! Don't worry about it! Anybody who comes here ends up getting testy; it's expected! Don't be upset!
Nick: I'm not upset.
George: You're testy.
Nick: Yes.

View Quote George: Take the trouble to construct a civilization, to build a society based on the principles of, uh… of principle.
Nick: Honey!
George: You make government and art and realize that they are, must be, both the same. You bring things to the saddest of all points, to the point where there is something to lose. Then, all at once, through all the music, through all the sensible sounds of men building, attempting, comes the Dies Irae. And what is it? What does the trumpet sound? "Up yours".

View Quote George: What made you decide to be a teacher?
Nick: Well, the same things that motivated you, I imagine.
George: Oh? What were they?
Nick: Pardon?
George: I said, what were they? What were the things that motivated me?
Nick: Well, I'm sure I don't know.
George: You just finished saying that the things that motivated you were the same things that motivated me.
Nick: I said I imagined they were.
George: Oh, did you?

View Quote George: You're a monster. You are.
Martha: I'm loud, and I'm vulgar, and I wear the pants in the house because somebody's got to… but I am not a monster! I'm NOT!
George: You're a spoiled, self-indulgent, willful, dirty-minded, liquor-ridden…
Martha: [Crap!] It went SNAP! I-I-I'm not gonna try to get through to you anymore. There was a second back there — yeah, there was a second, just a second — when I could have gotten through to you, when maybe we could have cut through all this, this CRAP! But it's past, and I'm not gonna try.

View Quote Honey: [drunkenly] I want some! I want some dancing!
Martha: That's not such a bad idea.
Honey: I love dancing, don't you.
Martha: With the right man.
Honey: I dance like the wind.

View Quote Martha: Fix the kids a drink, George. What would you like to drink, kid– kid.
Nick: Honey? what would you like?
Honey: Ohhhh, I don't know, dear, a little brandy maybe. "Never mix, never worry!"
George: Brandy? Just brandy? Simple, simple…
[George turns to Nick.]
George: What about you, em… em… em…
Nick: Bourbon on the rocks, if you don't mind.
George: Mind? I don't mind. I don't think I mind. Martha? Rubbing alcohol for you?
Martha: Sure! "Never mix, never worry!"

View Quote Martha: George is bogged down in the history department. [chuckles] He's an old bog in the history department. That's what George is. A bog. A fen. A GD swamp!
[Martha, Nick, and Honey all share a laugh while a dour George looks on.]
Martha: A swamp! [to George] Hey, swamp! Hey swampy!
George: Yes, Martha? Can I get you something?
Martha: Ah… well, sure! You can, um, light my cigarette, if you're of a mind to.
George: No. There are limits. I mean, a man can put up with only so much without he descends a rung or two on the, uh, old evolutionary ladder, which is up your [Nick's] line. Now, I will, uh, hold your hand when it's dark and you're afraid of the boogeyman, and I will tote your gin bottles out after midnight so no one can see, but I will not light your cigarette. And that, as they say, is that.
Martha: Jesus!

View Quote Martha: I looked at you tonight and you weren't there! Finally snapped! And– and I'm gonna howl it out! And I'm not gonna give a damn what I do, and I'm gonna make the biggest goddamn explosion you've ever heard!
George: You try and I'll beat you at your own game.
Martha: Is that a threat, George, huh?
George: That's a threat, Martha.
Martha: You're gonna get it, baby.
George: Be careful, Martha. I'll rip you to pieces.
Martha: You're not man enough. You haven't the guts!
George: Total war?
Martha: Total!

View Quote Martha: Oh-ho, you pig.
George: Oink, oink.
Martha: Fix me another drink… lover.
George: My God, you can swill it down, can't you?
Martha: Well, I'm thirsty.
George: Oh, Jesus.
Martha: Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me.
George: I gave you the prize years ago, Martha. There isn't an abomination award going that you haven't won.
Martha: I swear to God George, if you even existed I'd divorce you.

View Quote Martha: Truth and illusion, George; you don't know the difference.
George: No, but we must carry on as though we did.
Martha: Amen.

View Quote Martha: You make me puke!
George: [That] wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha.
Martha: That wasn't what?!
George: A very nice thing to say.
Martha: Oh, I like your anger. I think that's what I like about you most. Your anger.

View Quote Nick: Ah, who, ah… who did the painting?
Martha: That? Oh, that's by…
George: … some Greek with a moustache Martha attacked one night in a, in a… [laughs stiffly]

View Quote Nick: To you, everybody's a flop! Your husband's a flop, I'm a flop…
Martha: You're all flops. I am the Earth Mother, and you are all flops.
[She turns away from Nick.]
Martha: I disgust me. You know, there's only been one man in my whole life who's ever made me happy. You know that? One.
Nick: What, the gym instructor or something?
Martha: No, no, no, no. George. [pause] My husband?
Nick: You're kidding.
Martha: Am I?
Nick: You must be! Him?
Martha: Yep.
Nick: George, sure!
Martha: You don't believe it.
Nick: Well, of course I do!
Martha: You always deal in appearances?
Nick: Oh, for God's sake.
Martha: George, who is out somewhere there in the dark. Who is good to me. Whom I revile. Who can keep learning the games we play as quickly as I can change them. Who can make me happy and I do not wish to be happy. Yes, I do wish to be happy. George and Martha — sad, sad, sad.
Nick: Sad.
Martha: Whom I will not forgive for having come to rest, for having seen me and having said, "Yes, this will do". Who has made the hideous, the hurting, the insulting mistake of loving… me. And must be punished for it. George and Martha — sad, sad, sad.

View Quote Nick: [to Honey] We'll go in a little while.
George: Oh no! No, you mustn't! Martha is changing, and Martha is not changing for me! Martha hasn't changed for me in years! If Martha is changing, that means we're going to be here for days. You're being accorded an honor. You mustn't forget that Martha is the daughter of our beloved boss. She is his right… arm, heh heh. I was going to use another word, but we'll leave that sort of talk to Martha.
Martha: What sort of talk?
[George turns to see Martha has changed into a tight blouse and slacks.]
Nick: Well, now.
George: Why, Martha! Your Sunday chapel dress!

View Quote [After George's game of "Get the Guests" sends Honey into the restroom again…]
Nick: That was cruel and vicious…
George: Hmm, she'll get over it.
Nick: … and damaging…
George: She'll recover.
Nick: … damaging to me!
George: To you?
Nick: To me!
George: To you?
Nick: YES!
George: Oh-ho-ho-ho, beautiful! My god, you gotta have a swine to show you where the truffles are!