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[After Martha confides warmly to Nick while rubbing his knee, George walks over to Honey.]
George: Let me tell you a secret, baby — there are easier things in this world, if you, uh… happen to be teaching at a university, there are easier things than being married to the daughter of the president of that university. There are easier things in this world.
Martha: It should be an extraordinary opportunity. For some men, it would be the chance of a lifetime.
George: There are, believe me, easier things in this world.
Martha: Some men would give their right arm for the chance!
George: Alas, Martha, in reality, it works out that the sacrifice is of a somewhat more private portion of the anatomy.
George: Let me tell you a secret, baby — there are easier things in this world, if you, uh… happen to be teaching at a university, there are easier things than being married to the daughter of the president of that university. There are easier things in this world.
Martha: It should be an extraordinary opportunity. For some men, it would be the chance of a lifetime.
George: There are, believe me, easier things in this world.
Martha: Some men would give their right arm for the chance!
George: Alas, Martha, in reality, it works out that the sacrifice is of a somewhat more private portion of the anatomy.
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[As Martha tells Nick how her father pulled the plug on George's novel, George pulls the plug on the jukebox.]
George: All right! The dancing's over!
Honey: [applauding] Violence! Violence! Oo-hoo!
George: All right! The dancing's over!
Honey: [applauding] Violence! Violence! Oo-hoo!
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[Driving Nick and Honey home, George screeches around a corner, jostling his inebriated passengers.]
Martha: Well, aren't you going to apologize?
George: Wasn't my fault — the road should've been straight.
Martha: Not that! For making her throw up.
George: I did not make her throw up.
Martha: You most certainly did.
George: I did not.
Honey: [still drunk] No, now, no…
Martha: Well, who do you think did? Sexy, back there? You think he made his own wife sick?
George: Well, you make me sick.
Martha: That's different.
Martha: Well, aren't you going to apologize?
George: Wasn't my fault — the road should've been straight.
Martha: Not that! For making her throw up.
George: I did not make her throw up.
Martha: You most certainly did.
George: I did not.
Honey: [still drunk] No, now, no…
Martha: Well, who do you think did? Sexy, back there? You think he made his own wife sick?
George: Well, you make me sick.
Martha: That's different.
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[George lies on the bed, face down. Martha sits on his legs, slapping and jabbing his back as she sings. He groans and yells while she's doing this.]
Martha: [To "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf"] Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf / Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf / Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf…
[She cackles, then pauses.]
Martha: What's the matter? Didn't ya think that was funny? I thought it was a scream.
George: [mumbles into pillow]
Martha: You laughed your head off when you heard it at the party.
George: I smiled. I didn't laugh my head off.
Martha: You laughed your goddamn head off.
Martha: [To "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf"] Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf / Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf / Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf…
[She cackles, then pauses.]
Martha: What's the matter? Didn't ya think that was funny? I thought it was a scream.
George: [mumbles into pillow]
Martha: You laughed your head off when you heard it at the party.
George: I smiled. I didn't laugh my head off.
Martha: You laughed your goddamn head off.
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[Honey and George watch Nick and Martha dancing closely.]
Honey: They're dancing like they danced before.
George: It's a familiar dance, Monkey Nipples. They both know it.
Honey: [drunkenly] I don't know what you mean.
Martha: [sighs] I like the way you move.
Nick: I like the way you move, too.
George: [to Honey] They like the way they move.
Honey: [drunkenly] That's nice.
Honey: They're dancing like they danced before.
George: It's a familiar dance, Monkey Nipples. They both know it.
Honey: [drunkenly] I don't know what you mean.
Martha: [sighs] I like the way you move.
Nick: I like the way you move, too.
George: [to Honey] They like the way they move.
Honey: [drunkenly] That's nice.
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[Honey and Martha laugh over the "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" singing from the earlier party.]
Martha: I bust a gut! [laughs uproariously, then settles] George didn't think it was funny at all.
George: Martha thinks that unless you, as she demurely puts it, "bust a gut", you're not amused, you know. Unless you're… carrying on like a hyena, you're not having any fun.
Martha: I bust a gut! [laughs uproariously, then settles] George didn't think it was funny at all.
George: Martha thinks that unless you, as she demurely puts it, "bust a gut", you're not amused, you know. Unless you're… carrying on like a hyena, you're not having any fun.
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[Martha looks around their living room.]
Martha: What a dump. [pauses] Hey, w-what's that from? "What a dump!"
George: How would I know?
Martha: Oh, come on, what's it from? You know!
George: Martha…
Martha: What's it from, for chrissake?!
George: What's what from?
Martha: I just told you. I just did it. "What a dump!" Huh? What's that from?
George: I haven't the faintest idea.
Martha: Dumbbell.
Martha: What a dump. [pauses] Hey, w-what's that from? "What a dump!"
George: How would I know?
Martha: Oh, come on, what's it from? You know!
George: Martha…
Martha: What's it from, for chrissake?!
George: What's what from?
Martha: I just told you. I just did it. "What a dump!" Huh? What's that from?
George: I haven't the faintest idea.
Martha: Dumbbell.
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[Nick and George are chatting outside when Martha yells from the house.]
Martha: Hey!
George: Hark! Forest sounds.
Nick: Hmm?
George: Animal noises.
Martha: Heyyyy!
Martha: Hey!
George: Hark! Forest sounds.
Nick: Hmm?
George: Animal noises.
Martha: Heyyyy!
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[Nick guides his hopping, drunken wife into the room.]
Nick: Here we are.
Honey: Hip, hop! Hip, hop! Hip, hop! Hip, hop!
Nick: Are you a bunny, Honey?
Honey: [giggles] Bunny Honey!
George: Well, now, how's the bunny?
Honey: Bunny funny! [giggles]
George: Bunny funny. Good for bunny!
Martha: Come on, George!
[George gestures from Martha to Honey.]
George: Honey, funny bunny.
[Honey dissolves into drunken laughter.]
Nick: Here we are.
Honey: Hip, hop! Hip, hop! Hip, hop! Hip, hop!
Nick: Are you a bunny, Honey?
Honey: [giggles] Bunny Honey!
George: Well, now, how's the bunny?
Honey: Bunny funny! [giggles]
George: Bunny funny. Good for bunny!
Martha: Come on, George!
[George gestures from Martha to Honey.]
George: Honey, funny bunny.
[Honey dissolves into drunken laughter.]
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[Talking about Nick's early Master's degree…]
George: I'm very impressed.
Martha: You're damn right!
George: I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?
George: I'm very impressed.
Martha: You're damn right!
George: I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?
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[Honey abruptly stands, looking ill.] Martha, will you show her where we keep the, uh, euphemism?
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[talking to Nick about weight and fitness] Martha is 108… years old. She weighs somewhat more than that.
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Good. Better. Best. Bested.
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Martha, in my mind, you are buried in cement right up to the neck. No, up to the nose — it's much quieter.
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Vanish!