Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory quotes

View Quote Mr. Salt: What is this Wonka, some kind of fun house?
Willy Wonka: Why? Having fun?

View Quote Mr. Salt: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?
Willy Wonka: They're not for sale.
Mr. Salt: Name your price.
Willy Wonka: She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Who says I can't?!
Mr. Salt: The man with the funny hat.

View Quote Mr. Turkentine: Charlie Bucket, how many did you open?
Charlie Bucket: Two.
Mr. Turkentine: That's easy. Two hundred is twice one hundred--
Charlie Bucket: Not two-hundred, just two.
Mr. Turkentine: TWO?! What do you mean you only opened two?!
Charlie Bucket: I don't care very much for chocolate.
Mr. Turkentine: WELL I CAN'T FIGURE OUT JUST TWO!! So let's pretend you opened TWO HUNDRED! Now, if you opened two hundred Wonka bars, apart from getting dreadfully sick, you would have used up twenty percent of one thousand, which is fifteen percent half over again, ten percent...

View Quote Mr. Turkentine: That's right, you don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you, and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make my self clear?
Charlie Bucket: Yes, sir!

View Quote Mrs. Gloop: My son! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!
Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!
Mrs. Gloop: Why?!
Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room.
Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man!

View Quote Sam Beauregarde: Come on, Violet. We're getting out of here.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've got to go forwards to go back, better press on.

View Quote TV Reporter: Augustus, how does it make you feel to find the Golden Ticket?
Augustus Gloop: Hungry.
TV Reporter: Any other feelings?
Augustus Gloop: Feel sorry for Wonka. It's going to cost him a fortune in fudge.

View Quote Veruca Salt: [Wonka has just handed Everlasting Gobstoppers out to all the remaining kids] Hey, she's got two! I want another one!
Violet Beauregarde: Stop squawking, you twit!
Willy Wonka: Everybody has had one and one is enough for anybody. Now come along. Now over here, if you'll follow me, I have something rather special to show you.
Mr. Salt: Well, it's special, all right. I hope my Veruca doesn't want one. [he laughs]

View Quote Veruca Salt: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy.
Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the bleeding stockroom hunting for you.
Veruca Salt: All right! Where is it?! Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart. I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there!?
Mr. Salt: For 5 days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job! They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday! They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn to dusk!
Veruca Salt: Make 'em work nights!

View Quote Violet Beauregarde: Well they can't be real people.
Willy Wonka: Well of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense.
Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady...
Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka: Oh, well then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt: I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!

View Quote Willy Wonka: [puts his hand on the Evelasting Gobstopper that Charlie has just given up to him, while writing] So shines a good deed in a weary world. [looks up] Charlie? My boy. You've WON! You DID it! You DID it!! Oh, I just KNEW you would, I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD!! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this, please forgive me. Mr. Wilkinson, would you come in here please? [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!
Slugworth (now known as Wilkinson): Pleasure.
Charlie: Slugworth...?!
Willy Wonka: No! That's not Slugworth. He works for me!
Charlie: For you?!
Willy Wonka: I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You WON!
Grandpa Joe: Won what?
Willy Wonka: The JACKPOT, my dear sir, the GRAND AND GLORIOUS JACKPOT!
Charlie: The chocolate?
Willy Wonka: The chocolate, the chocolate, yes, but that's just the beginning!! Come, we have so little to do and so much time! Strike that...reverse it.

View Quote Willy Wonka: All aboard, everybody.
Mr. Salt: Ladies first and that means Veruca.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

View Quote Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum!
Willy Wonka: Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde: What so fab about that?
Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three course dinner.
Mr. Salt: Bull.
Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.

View Quote Willy Wonka: The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
[Wonka grabs Veruca's jaw]
Willy Wonka: We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams.

View Quote Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.
[to an Oompa-Loompa]
Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.
Mrs. Teevee: To the t-t-t... taffy-pulling room? What's he saying?!
[Oompa-Loompa whispers to Wonka]
Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible. [to Mrs. Teevee, who has started babbling incoherently and then fainted] And now, my dearest lady. It's time to say goodbye. No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life there are no words. Run along now.
[The Oompa-Loompas drag her out]