Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery quotes

View Quote Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!

View Quote Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: All I'm say...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: They're gonna get a...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm just...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: Would...
Dr. Evil: Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Just know that I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: [Referring to events Austin missed over the past thirty years] Thirty years of political and social upheaval. The fall of the Berlin Wall, a female Prime Minister of England, the abolishment of apartheid, a fascinating tapestry of human strum and drang.
Austin Powers: Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. Women loved him, man. I didn't see that one coming.

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about Miss ****ina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington: Did you at least use protection ?
Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom?
Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"

View Quote [Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.

View Quote Au contraire, baby, you can't resist me.

View Quote [about Alotta ****ina] She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.

View Quote [After watching an informational video to catch up with the times] And I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming, no!

View Quote [Austin is being choked out by Random Task; Vanessa tosses him the penis pump] Honestly...it's not mine...!

View Quote [Austin Powers sees a man sitting in the corner of the restroom] Excuse me, but you didn't happen to see... [Austin looks at the man and sees that he is blind] ...anything at all.

View Quote [Austin tries to resist to Fembots] Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers. [One of the fembots stands over him and opens her legs] Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!

View Quote [Entering the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers' Club] This is my happening and it freaks me out!

View Quote [Filling out a form] Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes, please!