Big Trouble quotes

View Quote Snake: [remarking on his gun] Remember. I'm gonna have this thing pointed right at you. So, don't do something stupid.
Jenny Herk: How would you even know if I did something stupid?
Snake: I'll just know. Believe me, I can tell the difference.

View Quote Snake: If you don't do like I say, you know what's gonna happen to you, right?
Puggy: You're gonna shoot me?
Snake: You got that right.

View Quote Snake: We need four tickets to the Bahamas, one-way, next flight you got.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: Nassau or Freeport?
Snake: The Bahamas.
Fly by Air Ticket Agent: Nassau and Freeport are in the Bahamas.
Snake: [confused] Whichever's next.

View Quote Airport Officer Arch Ridley: [Agent Greer just pushed him up against a support wall] Name's Arch Ridley. Tell me what you need. Please don't kill me.
Pat Greer: We're tracking a couple of s****bags, with one, maybe two hostages and a big metal suitcase. Anybody in this crackerjack system of yours see anything like that?

View Quote [As Snake, Eddie and the kidnapped Jenny arrive at the aiport]
Eddie: Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving, but then we're departing. Which one, Snake?
Snake: What do you think?
Jenny Herk: I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity.
Snake: [looks at the signs] Departures.

View Quote [At the Airport Security Walk-through]
Airport Security Checker: What is this?
Snake: A garbage disposal.
Airport Security Checker: A garbage disposal?
Snake: Portable.
Airport Security Checker: You'll have to turn it on.
Snake: It's got a timer.
[turns the switches of the bomb on]
Snake: Grounds up your garbage, while you're out.

View Quote [Getting into the hi-jacked police car]
Snake: Let's go.
Eddie: I ain't never driven one of these before.
Snake: It ain't a spaceship, asshole. Drive.

View Quote [Henry and Leonard are stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam, just right before the Airport Road]
Henry Desalvo: We're gonna miss our flight.
Leonard: You see what the problem is?
Henry Desalvo: I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.
[He turns on the radio - only to find the two same people arguing on the same phone-in show before turning off the radio in annoyance. After a moment in silence, a goat walks past the car; the two men pause for a moment in stunned silence]
Henry Desalvo: [Disbelieving] Was that a goat?
Leonard: Let's get the hell outta here.

View Quote [In the airplane]
Snake: How about we go now?
Airplane Captain Justin Hobart: Sir, we have to finish the preflight checklist. It's for your safety, sir.
Snake: [points to his gun in his hand] I got my safety right here, asshole.

View Quote [In the Jolly Jackal Russian's bar; Leo is holding a baseball bat]
Leonard: Out!
Snake: [about Puggy] He broke my ankle!
Leonard: I break your head!

View Quote [Ivan has just beat Snake and Eddie with a baseball bat]
Puggy: Aluminum?
Ivan: We sponsor a girl's softball team.

View Quote [Matt and Andrew are getting prepared for a big water gun war at their friend, Jenny, in her home]
Andrew: So, what's the plan? Through the front?
Matt Arnold: [sarcastically] Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny." No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.

View Quote [Officer Monica Romero and Agent Greer are in his car, arguing about Russian bombs and missiles]
Officer Monica Romero: Where did they get that stuff?
Pat Greer: Russia.
Officer Monica Romero: Don't the Russians have controls on that kind of thing?
Pat Greer: You'd faint if you knew. A few months ago, somebody got a warhead out of a missile-dismantlement facility in a place called -...
Alan Seitz: Sergijev Posad. Not far from Moscow. Beautiful churches there.
Pat Greer: Anyway, somebody who knew what they were doing modified it. Dumped it on some guys who run a place here called The Jolly Jackal.
Officer Monica Romero: The bar?
Pat Greer: That bar has more AK-47s than Budweiser.

View Quote [While approaching the annoying cigar smokers.]
Henry Desalvo: Excuse me would you mind putting out your cigars?
Bruce: Come again.
Henry Desalvo: I said would you mind putting out your cigars, please?
Bruce: Actually I would mind.
Henry Desalvo: Well you see the reason I asked is because I got a thick New York strip over there and it tastes like I'm eating a cigar.
Bruce: Well first of all Ace: You're eating a steak in a seafood restaraunt. And secondly there is no law that says we can't smoke.
Henry Desalvo: Well first of all: My name is not Ace and second of all: I am not asking you as a courtesy, it's just good manners. Now there is no law that says I can't come over here and fart on your entree, but I don't. Why? Because it isn't good manners. Now I will ask you again in the nicest way to please put out your cigars.
[Bruce blows smoke in henry's face and laughs with his friends. Henry snaps Bruce's fingers and puts out his cigar and everyone does the same.] Henry Desalvo: Thank you.
Bruce: I hope you realize you just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know, I know. I remember time was you actually had to hit somebody.

View Quote {Having been sprayed by a hallucinogenic toad, Arthur is hallucinating that his dog possesses the head of Martha Stewart]
Arthur Herk: Oh, my God! She's coming to get me!
Pat Greer: The dog, sir?
Arthur Herk: No, not that! Her!
Pat Greer: Who?
Arthur Herk: You know! Her!
Martha Stewart: Herk, Herk, Herk! Herk!
Arthur Herk: Oh, my God, she knows my name... She knows everything! She's come to take my soul!
Pat Greer: Mr. Herk, this is important...
Arthur Herk: Please don't let her take my soul!
[Arthur begins sobbing and moaning incoherently]
Pat Greer: What the hell's he talking about?
Officer Monica Romero: I don't know.
Alan Seitz: How close did he get to that toad?
Officer Monica Romero: Like face first.
Alan Seitz: Beufotin. Hell of a hallucination. He's gone and he's not coming back.
Martha Stewart: growls
Alan Seitz: Discovery Channel.