Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes

Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb

View Quote Give me half a dozen of the Vulcan D-tens and set my friend up with the whole schmear. You know, clubs, bags, shoes, gloves, shirt, pants. Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those and give me a box of those naked-lady tees, gimme two of those, gimme six of those... Oh, this is the worst lookin' hat I ever saw... Huh you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Sees Judge Smails wearing the hat] Oh, looks good on you, though.

View Quote He tried to choke me! You saw it. He called me a baboon, thinks I'm his wife.

View Quote Hello? Anybody home? Hello, Mr. Gopher! It's me, Mr. Squirrel. Just a harmless squirrel. Not a plastic explosive or anything. Nothing to be worried about. I'm just here to make your last hours on earth as peaceful as possible. Don't mind this. This is doctor's orders. You don't mind if I just pop in there for a few laughs? That's right. Or in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre: "Au revoir, gopher." This is going to be sweet.

View Quote Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

View Quote Hey loosen up will ya? You're a lotta woman, you know that? Hey you want to make 14 dollars the hard way?

View Quote Hey Whitey, where's your hat?

View Quote Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? I tell you, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

View Quote I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!

View Quote I feel like a hundred dollars.

View Quote I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat! :"It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat"... Ah ha ha ha. OK Pookie, do the honors.

View Quote I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang, is dead varmint poontang, I think.

View Quote I tell ya, I shoulda stayed home and played with myself.

View Quote I think this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish! OK, fine.

View Quote I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner and I'll fill your bagpipes with Wheatena!

View Quote I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it - felt I owed it to them.