Diary of a Wimpy Kid quotes

View Quote Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

View Quote I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.

View Quote It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.

View Quote It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!

View Quote Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.

View Quote She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

View Quote So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... [sighs] Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. [patting Greg's head] And don't be seen with Rowley.

View Quote So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?

View Quote Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.

View Quote The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. [Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy] Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. [Darren puts his finger on the Cheese] Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. [Darren cries in the hallway] The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. [Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch] And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. [Flash forward to the present] And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.

View Quote This is a terrible place!

View Quote Wanna have a tickle fight?

View Quote What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?

View Quote What? [Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him] Let go, baby hippo!

View Quote Who let you into the school, Greg Heffley?