Fight Club quotes

View Quote Tyler Durden: OK, any historic figure.
Narrator: I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler Durden: Lincoln.
Narrator: Lincoln?
Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

View Quote Tyler Durden: We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler Durden: **** Martha Stewart! Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic; it's all going down, man. So **** off with your sofa units and your Strinne green stripe patterns. I say, never be complete. I say, stop being perfect. I say, let's evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.

View Quote [Narrator's bags have just been confiscated]
Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But ... every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] ... it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never ... your dildo.
Narrator: I don't own a dildo!

View Quote [One of the Narrator's teeth falls out]
Narrator: ****.
Tyler Durden: Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.

View Quote [From theatrical PSA] Did you know that urine is sterile? You can drink it.

View Quote [From theatrical PSA] Remember, no one has the right to touch you in your bathing-suit area.

View Quote [Last words] What's that smell?

View Quote [The Narrator's tooth falls out] Even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.

View Quote [To the Chief of Police] Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or these guys are going to take your balls. We're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the L.A. Times press-release-style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep. Do not **** with us.

View Quote A condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night. Then, you throw it away ... the condom, I mean, not the stranger.

View Quote A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time – his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.

View Quote After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down. You could deal with anything.

View Quote Ah ... that really hurts ... hit me again.

View Quote Ah. Flashback humor.

View Quote And I used to be such a nice guy.