Grandma's Boy quotes

115 total quotes

View Quote Alex: Dude, your bed's a car.
Jeff: Yeah, but it's a ****in' sweet car.

View Quote Alex: Hey Timmy, can I crash at your house?
Timmy: Why so you can jack off on my mom?
Alex: Jeff's a ****in liar Timmy!

View Quote Barry: Hey Dante my girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night...
Dante: No shit And by Girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?
Barry: [Laughing] ... yes... [Starts to cry]

View Quote Dante: Oh hey Alex, I was just puttin up my Christmas tree.
Alex: Dude, it's July.
Dante: Get the **** outta here, it is?!

View Quote Dante: That is pure ****ing insanity.
Alex: Yeah, he got addicted to hookers.
Dante: No, I'm talking about the guy who threw your bong. You should never throw a bong kid... EVER!

View Quote Dante: Where do you get your weed?
Mr.Cheezle: From you Dante!
Dante: Oh yeah! What's up Mr. Cheezle!

View Quote J.P.: School, [nerdy snicker] I didn't need school. All I ever cared about were video games, and they've made me a millionaire. So, maybe I don't know what the civil war was, or who invented the helicopter, even though I own one - but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk.
Samantha: Cool.
J.P.: Yeah. I'm thinking of getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

View Quote Jeff: What's up Douche Bigalow?
Alex: Hey Speed Racer. Did you valet your bed?
Jeff: No, I self parked it in your asshole

View Quote Josh: I love them so much...
Alex: You love who?
Josh: The girls at Madame Kamay's Philipino Palace
Alex: You've been spending our rent money, on philipino hookers?
Josh: They're NOT HOOKERS! They're massage theripists.
Big Mover (Kevin Nash): They'll massage your **** for money.
Other Mover: Yea there's a word for that i think its hooker?
Josh: YOU'RE A HOOKER!

View Quote [Mimicking J.P.] My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina.

View Quote [playing video game] Uh-uh, wait your turn. I'm on a roll here. Take that - You dirty dopers.

View Quote [robot voice in dismay] Alex is ****ing Samantha!

View Quote [robot voice] Adiós turd-nuggets.

View Quote [robot voice] I am not amused.

View Quote [robot voice] I want you to drink from my man faucet.