Joe Dirt quotes

View Quote I'm a rocker through and through. Here's a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep...

View Quote Life's a garden, dig it.

View Quote That shit'll buff out.

View Quote It does what it's told. [Often falsely credited to the film Silence of the Lambs]

View Quote It puts the lotion on its skin! You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you!

View Quote Clem: [talking to fire extinguisher] You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

View Quote Joe Dirt: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Jill: Sure would. Do you want to go back to my place?
Joe Dirt: Sure do.

View Quote Joe Dirt: So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, kick but, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it's not what you like, it's the consumer.

View Quote Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see h***s naked?
Old Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It's where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see h***s naked. That's cool.
Old Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it!
Joe Dirt: Oh.
Old Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.
Old Cajun Man walks away.
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see h***s naked, that doesn't help me.

View Quote Joe Dirt: Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes; making fun of poor Joe Dirt?
Zander Kelly Probably, because I'm sure that Yahwee would be chiming in too.

View Quote Things are gonna happen for me, I'm Joe Dirt.

View Quote When bad pets go bad, dang.

View Quote Turn it up.

View Quote Ya gotta keep on, keepin' on.

View Quote Right on! You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt.