National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley

View Quote I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?

View Quote I'm making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.

View Quote When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.

View Quote We watch his program. We buy his toys, we go to his movies, he owes us! Doesn't he owe us, ha? He owes the Griswalds right? ****ing-A right he owes us!

View Quote If someone doesn't start explaining what's going on here...well, there's going to be some explaining to do!

View Quote Arabs, Arabs, are they Arabs? Give them whatever they want.

View Quote Clark: Could I do your back, honey?
Ellen: I've already done my back.
Clark: Could I do your front?
Ellen: Go do your own front.

View Quote Cousin Eddie: Hey Clark, you look like you could use a cold one.
Clark: Now you're talking!
[Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking, gets a fresh one for himself]

View Quote Clark: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The banks been after me like flies on a rib roast.

View Quote Ellen: Gee Cath look's like you really got your hands full.
Catherine: Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.

View Quote Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.

View Quote Clark: [looking at raw tomato paste] Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best!

View Quote Cousin Eddie: Edna! Helper's on!
Clark: [to Ellen] Is that your Aunt Edna?
[Ellen slinks away from the table]

View Quote Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
Cousin Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to.
Ellen: Good news, what good news, Catherine?
Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix!
[Clark bites into his 'burger' and it squirts out onto the plate]

View Quote Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint.
Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?
Clark: [pulling some 20s out of his wallet] Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?
Cousin Eddie: About fifty-two thousand dollars.
[Clark quickly begins putting the money back in his wallet]