The Princess Bride quotes

View Quote [Vizzini cuts the rope Fezzik used to climb up the cliff, supposedly sending the Man in Black falling to his death. However, when he peers over the edge, he sees the Man in Black clinging to the rock wall.]
Vizzini: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

View Quote [Westley and Buttercup are traversing the fire swamp. All the while, Westley is cutting away vines with his sword.]
Westley: This will all soon be but a happy memory. Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts.
Buttercup: But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?
Westley: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. You see, what I told you before about saying "please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, "All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
Buttercup: What? Go on.
Westley: Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was ****merbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia." Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
Buttercup: [nods at Westley, then gives him a confused expression]

View Quote [Westley and Buttercup finish tumbling down the hill.]
Westley: Can you move at all?
Buttercup: Move? You're alive. If you want, I could fly.
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

View Quote [Westley is lying weak on the bed, having just been challenged by Prince Humperdinck.]
Humperdinck: To the death!
Westley: No! To the pain.
Humperdinck: [pauses] I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
Humperdinck: [flinching angrily] That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. "To the pain" means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Humperdinck: [losing his patience] And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right—
Humperdinck: [exasperated] And then my ears, I understand! Let's get on with it—
Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Humperdinck: [pauses] I think you're bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. [standing slowly and holding out his sword] Drop. Your. Sword.

View Quote [Westley rescues Buttercup from a pit of lightning sand]
Buttercup: [recovering] We'll never succeed — we may as well die here.
Westley: No. No. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurts. No problem. There's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two, the Lightning Sand. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I think they don't exist. [an R.O.U.S. attacks him on cue.]

View Quote [When surrounded by Humperdinck's guards]
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well - I accept.

View Quote [after being asked to read the story again] As you wish.

View Quote [After being tied to a chair and discovering that Westley is too weak to walk] I knew he was bluffing.

View Quote [after Inigo repeats his revenge speech several times] Stop saying that!

View Quote [as he kills Count Rugen] I want my father back, you son of a bitch!

View Quote [as Westley is preparing to fight Humperdinck] Do you promise not to hurt him?!

View Quote [in reference to the Machine] Beautiful, isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how The Machine makes you feel.

View Quote [In response to Inigo asking if he has six fingers on his right hand] Do you always begin conversations this way?

View Quote [in response to Vizzini's repeated use of "Inconceivable!"] You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

View Quote [on hearing Wesley's cries of pain] Fezzik! Listen. Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now.