Producers, The (2005) quotes

View Quote Leo:Mr. DeBris, Roger, Roger, actually I think your gown is very stunning
Roger:Why thank you Mr Bloom. Leo. [sniffing] Mmm, what is that enchanting cologne your wearing?
Leo:Me? I'm not wearing any cologne.
Roger:You mean that smell is you. Oh, God. If I could bottle you I'd shove you under my armpits everyday.

View Quote Max: Do you know who I am?
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!

View Quote Max: I was a protege of the great Boris Tomashevsky. He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his death bed and said: "Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"
Nun: What does that mean?
Max: Who knows, I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart, I knew what he was saying. He was saying when you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout: "Who do you have to **** to get a break in this stinking town?"

View Quote Max: Listen Roger, did you get a chance yet to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris: Read it? I devoured it! It's loaded with historical goodies. I for one, for instance, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany.
Max: Yeah, how 'bout that? Then you'll do it?
Roger De Bris: Do it? Of course not.
[Music starts]
Roger De Bris: [sung] The theatre's so obsessed
With dramas so depressed
It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway
Shows should be more pretty
Shows should be more witty
Shows should be more...
Roger De Bris: [spoken] What's the word?
Leo: Gay?
Roger De Bris: Exactly!

View Quote Max: The two cardinal rules of producing. One: Never put your own money in the show.
Leo: And two?
Max: [yelling] Never put your own money in the show!

View Quote Max: Whatta ya say, Bloom?
Leo: [sung] What do I say?
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer!
What do I say?
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir!
What do I say? What do I say?
Here's what I say to you, sir... I can't do it!

View Quote Roger De Bris: [wearing a dress] I am going to the choreographers' ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.

View Quote Roger De Bris: This crazy Kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!
Carmen Ghia: Oh, Roger, what alliteration
Roger De Bris: Thank you, darling.

View Quote Roger: So Jason, what have you been up to?
Jason Green: For ze last 16 years I have been touring in No No Nietzsche.
Roger: Ahh, you played Nietzsche?
Jason Green: No no.
Roger: [making a face] What are you going ta sing?
Jason Green: Have you ever heard ze German band?
Roger: No
Jason Green: Zat is za name of ze song I am going to sing!

View Quote Roger: [singing] I'll sign! Roger Elizabeth De Bris! [Max and Leo look up confused, after just finding out the Hitler's middle name was also Elizabeth]

View Quote Roger:Well they all just read Springtime, what'd you think of it guys?
Bryan:[all sung] If it's glamour
Scott:and Glitz
Kevin:It needs sequins
Shirley Markowitz:And tits

View Quote Ulla: Remember when Ulla dance?
Max and Leo: Yes.
Ulla: Ulla dance again!
Max: Ulla dance again!!!

View Quote Ulla: Would you like Ulla make audition?
Leo: That won't be nece...
Max: Yes, it is nece! Extremely nece!

View Quote [With one leg already broken Franz Liebkind falls down the stairs]
Officer O'Rourke: [Calling down the stairs] What happened?
Franz Liebkind: I broke... the other leg!

View Quote (reading a play) As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant ****roach. (speaking) Nah, too good.