The Return of the Pink Panther quotes

View Quote Chief Inspector Dreyfus: The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
Inspector Clouseau: That is impossible.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Why?
Inspector Clouseau: He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
Inspector Clouseau: It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist...
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Shut up!

View Quote Inspector Clouseau: [answering the phone] This is Monsieur Gadbois - who is this speaking?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
Inspector Clouseau: ...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
Inspector Clouseau: You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
Inspector Clouseau: Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.

View Quote Inspector Clouseau: [to blind beggar] City Ordinance 132R prohibits the begging.
Blind beggar: How do you know so much about city ordinances?
Inspector Clouseau: What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
Blind beggar: Yes!

View Quote Inspector Clouseau: How long have you been a bellboy?
Bellboy: Oh, too long, Monsieur.
Clouseau: Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell-MAN.

View Quote Inspector Clouseau: I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus [stifling a giggle]: "Amazing" is not the word.
Inspector Clouseau: Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: YES! I wish you were DEAD!
Inspector Clouseau: Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.

View Quote Inspector Clouseau: This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.
Sgt. François Chevalier: What does yours say?
Inspector Clouseau: "Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies..."

View Quote Parrot: [to Inspector Clouseau, entering the hotel room] Wie geht’s?

View Quote Police Chief Lundallah: He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?
Inspector Clouseau: He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.
Police Chief Lundallah: Therefore the wax.
Inspector Clouseau: The wax? ... AGHH! [Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]
Col. Sharki: Are you alright, Inspector?
Inspector Clouseau: [on his knees] Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. [sniffs the wax on the floor] Have you taken a sample of this wax?
Police Chief Lundallah: Wax is wax!
Inspector Clouseau: See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. French wax, English wax, domestic wax...
Col. Sharki: Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.
Inspector Clouseau: [grabbing a mechanical arm from the jewel stand] It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.
Police Chief Lundallah: Why?
Inspector Clouseau: Because your thief is an Englishman.
Col. Sharki: How do you know that?
Inspector Clouseau: It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.
Police Chief Lundallah: The Phantom?
Inspector Clouseau: Yes, one and the same.

View Quote [after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in]: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.

View Quote [to a taxi driver]: Follow that car! [driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]

View Quote [to Francois, after accidentally shooting himself in the face] Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!

View Quote I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.

View Quote I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton.

View Quote I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.

View Quote I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy.