Shrek quotes

View Quote ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man, I had some strong gases eatin' outta my butt that day!

View Quote Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

View Quote Donkey: Whoa! Look at that! Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh, and it is LOVELY! Just BEAUTIFUL! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget! [looks at boulder] I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.

View Quote Donkey: [eyeing the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh... entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know...
[big awkward silence ensues]
Donkey: ... Can I stay with you?
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Can I stay with you... please?
Shrek: [sarcastically friendly] Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: PLEASE, I don't wanna go back there, you don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! [slight pause] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay!

View Quote Donkey: Hi, princess!
Fiona: It TALKS!
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to SHUT UP that's the trick!

View Quote Donkey: So, you gotta go to this abandoned castle, get past a dragon and rescue a princess so Farquaad gives you back your swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that right?
Shrek: You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.

View Quote Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES. [pause] Umm, where do I sleep?
Shrek: OUTSIDE!

View Quote Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You wanna HOLD her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: PLEASE her?!
Shrek: YES!
Donkey: [singing] Then ya gotta, gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks LOVE that romantic crap!

View Quote Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh it's me... in this body.
Donkey: Shrek?! Oh my word! YOU ATE THE PRINCESS!

View Quote Fiona: But how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description!
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk!

View Quote Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?!
Shrek: It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying... That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: [glances at a scorched skeleton] Yeah, right before they burst into flame!

View Quote Lord Farquaad: Run, run, run, as you fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!
Gingy: You're a monster.
Lord Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me! Where are the others?
Gingy: Eat me! [spits]
Lord Farquaad: [grunts] I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! TELL ME, OR I'LL ---
Gingy: No, not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Lord Farquaad: All right, then, who's hiding them?!
Gingy: Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man. W-Who lives down Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man...
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man!
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man...

View Quote Lord Farquaad: [upon seeing Shrek] What is that? Urgh, it's hideous!
Shrek: Well that's not very nice. [looks at Donkey] It's just a donkey.

View Quote Old Lady: No no no! He talks!...He does! (Moves Donkey's lips) I can talk! I love to talk! I'm the talkingest dang thing you ever saw!
Captain: Get her out of my sight!

View Quote Princess Fiona: I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre, and... and his pet!
Donkey: Well, so much for "noble steed"!