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Asgard! Your savior is here!
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Grandmaster: Time works real different around these parts. On any other world, I'd be, like, millions of years old. But here on Sakaar.... [Beholds himself] In any case, you know this, ah, this, ah... you call yourself the "Lord of Thunder"?
Thor: God of Thunder. [Whispering to Loki] Tell him.
Loki: ... I've never met this man in my life.
Thor: He's my brother!
Loki: Adopted.
Grandmaster: Is he any kind of a fighter?
Thor: Heh...heh. You take this thing out of my neck and I'll show you!
Grandmaster: [Absolutely gleefully] Now, listen to that, he's threat-threatening me! Hey, Sparkles! Here's the deal: You want to get back to "Ass-place," "Ass-berg..."
Thor: As–GARD!
Grandmaster: ... Any contender who defeats my champion... their freedom they shall win.
Thor: [Lets loose a "so-done-with-this-crap" eye roll] FINE! Then point me in the direction of whoever's arse I have to kick!
Grandmaster: That's what I call...a contender! That direction would be, would be this way, Lord.
[Grandmaster waves his fingers and Thor's chair starts to move]
Thor: [Yelps] Loki!
Thor: God of Thunder. [Whispering to Loki] Tell him.
Loki: ... I've never met this man in my life.
Thor: He's my brother!
Loki: Adopted.
Grandmaster: Is he any kind of a fighter?
Thor: Heh...heh. You take this thing out of my neck and I'll show you!
Grandmaster: [Absolutely gleefully] Now, listen to that, he's threat-threatening me! Hey, Sparkles! Here's the deal: You want to get back to "Ass-place," "Ass-berg..."
Thor: As–GARD!
Grandmaster: ... Any contender who defeats my champion... their freedom they shall win.
Thor: [Lets loose a "so-done-with-this-crap" eye roll] FINE! Then point me in the direction of whoever's arse I have to kick!
Grandmaster: That's what I call...a contender! That direction would be, would be this way, Lord.
[Grandmaster waves his fingers and Thor's chair starts to move]
Thor: [Yelps] Loki!
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Grandmaster: What happened to my manners? I haven't properly introduced myself. Come on. Follow me. My name is Grandmaster. I preside over a little harlequinade called the Contest of Champions. People come from far and wide to unwillingly participate in it. And you, my friend, might just be part of the new cast. What do you say to that?
Thor: We're not friends, and I don't give a shit about your games! I'm going back to Asgard!
Grandmaster: [Amused] "Ass-guard"?
Thor: We're not friends, and I don't give a shit about your games! I'm going back to Asgard!
Grandmaster: [Amused] "Ass-guard"?
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Hela: It's come to my attention that you don't know who I am. I am Hela, Odin's firstborn, commander of the legions of Asgard, the rightful heir to the throne and the Goddess of Death. My father is dead, as are the princes. [raises her hand reassuringly] You're welcome. We were once the seat of absolute power in the cosmos. Our supremacy was unchallenged. Yet Odin stopped at the Nine Realms. Our destiny is to rule over all others. And I am here to restore that power. Kneel before me and rise into the ranks of my great conquest.
Hogun: Whoever you are... whatever you've done, surrender now! Or we will show you no mercy.
Hela: [Sounding incredibly put out] Whoever I am? Did you listen to a word I said?
Hogun: This is your final warning!
Hela: I thought you'd be happy to see me. [Forms her headdress] Fine.
Hogun: Whoever you are... whatever you've done, surrender now! Or we will show you no mercy.
Hela: [Sounding incredibly put out] Whoever I am? Did you listen to a word I said?
Hogun: This is your final warning!
Hela: I thought you'd be happy to see me. [Forms her headdress] Fine.
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Hulk: Thor sad.
Thor: [Exasperated] Shut up.
Hulk: [Shoves Thor] THOR SAD!
Thor: I'm not sad, you idiot. I'm pissed off! [Hulk groans] Angry. I lost my father! [Kicks a metal cylinder] I lost my hammer.
Hulk: Whining and crying. Cry like baby—
Thor: [Interrupting Hulk] You're not even listening! [Kicks something else at Hulk]
Hulk: Don't kick stuff! [Throws bowl at Thor]
Thor: You're being a really bad friend!
Hulk: YOU BAD FRIEND!!
Thor: You know what we call you?
Hulk: No!
Thor: [As Hulk is saying "no"] We call you the stupid Avenger.
Hulk: YOU TINY AVENGER!!! [Throws a shield at Thor which embeds itself into the wall]
Thor: What, are you crazy?!
Hulk: [Holding up a mace] Yes!
Thor: You know what? Earth does hate you.
Thor: [Exasperated] Shut up.
Hulk: [Shoves Thor] THOR SAD!
Thor: I'm not sad, you idiot. I'm pissed off! [Hulk groans] Angry. I lost my father! [Kicks a metal cylinder] I lost my hammer.
Hulk: Whining and crying. Cry like baby—
Thor: [Interrupting Hulk] You're not even listening! [Kicks something else at Hulk]
Hulk: Don't kick stuff! [Throws bowl at Thor]
Thor: You're being a really bad friend!
Hulk: YOU BAD FRIEND!!
Thor: You know what we call you?
Hulk: No!
Thor: [As Hulk is saying "no"] We call you the stupid Avenger.
Hulk: YOU TINY AVENGER!!! [Throws a shield at Thor which embeds itself into the wall]
Thor: What, are you crazy?!
Hulk: [Holding up a mace] Yes!
Thor: You know what? Earth does hate you.
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Korg: Hey, man, I'm Korg. We're gonna get outta here on that big spaceship. Wanna come?
Loki: Well, it seems that you are in dire need of leadership.
Korg: Thank you!
Loki: Well, it seems that you are in dire need of leadership.
Korg: Thank you!
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Loki: Do you really think it's a good idea to go back to Earth?
Thor: Yes, of course. People on Earth love me, I'm very popular.
Loki: Let me rephrase that. Do you really think it's a good idea to bring me back to Earth?
Thor: Probably not, to be honest. I wouldn't worry, brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine.
[Sanctuary II, a ship owned by Thanos, hovers over the Statesman.]
Thor: Yes, of course. People on Earth love me, I'm very popular.
Loki: Let me rephrase that. Do you really think it's a good idea to bring me back to Earth?
Thor: Probably not, to be honest. I wouldn't worry, brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine.
[Sanctuary II, a ship owned by Thanos, hovers over the Statesman.]
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Loki: [Seeing Valkyrie's tattoo] You're a Valkyrie? I thought the Valkyrie all died gruesome deaths?
Valkyrie: Chose your next words wisely.
Loki: I'm terribly sorry, must be a very painful memory.
Valkyrie: Chose your next words wisely.
Loki: I'm terribly sorry, must be a very painful memory.
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Odin: Even when you had two eyes, you'd see only half the picture.
Thor: She's too strong. Without my hammer, I can't.
Odin: Are you Thor, the God of Hammers? That hammer was to help you control your power, to focus it. It was never your source of strength.
Thor: It's too late. She's already taken Asgard.
Odin: Asgard is not a place. It never was. [indicates the surrounding countryside] This could be Asgard. Asgard is where our people stand. Even now, right now, those people need your help. [prepares to depart]
Thor: I'm not as strong as you.
Odin: No...you're stronger.
Thor: She's too strong. Without my hammer, I can't.
Odin: Are you Thor, the God of Hammers? That hammer was to help you control your power, to focus it. It was never your source of strength.
Thor: It's too late. She's already taken Asgard.
Odin: Asgard is not a place. It never was. [indicates the surrounding countryside] This could be Asgard. Asgard is where our people stand. Even now, right now, those people need your help. [prepares to depart]
Thor: I'm not as strong as you.
Odin: No...you're stronger.
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Thor: Fine. Stay here. Stupid place. It's hideous, by the way. The red, the white. Just pick a color! Ridiculous.
Hulk: Smash you.
Thor: You didn't smash anything, I won that fight!
Hulk: I smashed you!
Thor: Yeah, sure, sure.
Hulk: Baby arms.
Thor: What?
Hulk: BABY ARMS! [Throws a fruit he was eating at Thor, who dodges]
Hulk: Smash you.
Thor: You didn't smash anything, I won that fight!
Hulk: I smashed you!
Thor: Yeah, sure, sure.
Hulk: Baby arms.
Thor: What?
Hulk: BABY ARMS! [Throws a fruit he was eating at Thor, who dodges]
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Thor: How did you end up here?
Korg: Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn't print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up. Except for my mum and her boyfriend, who I hate. As punishment, I was forced to be in here and become a gladiator. Bit of a promotional disaster, that one. But I'm actually organising another revolution. I don't know if you'd be interested in something like that. Do you reckon you'd be interested?
Korg: Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn't print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up. Except for my mum and her boyfriend, who I hate. As punishment, I was forced to be in here and become a gladiator. Bit of a promotional disaster, that one. But I'm actually organising another revolution. I don't know if you'd be interested in something like that. Do you reckon you'd be interested?
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Thor: I think we should disband the Revengers.
Loki: Hit her with a lightning blast.
Thor: I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning! It did nothing!
Valkyrie: We just need to hold her off until everyone's on board.
Thor: [Looking at the Asgardians boarding the Statesman] It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard, the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.
Valkyrie: So what do we do?
Loki: I'm not doing "Get Help".
[Hela walks and approaches with her swords]
Thor: [Comes to a realization] Asgard's not a place, it's a people. Loki, this was never about stopping Ragnarök, this was about causing Ragnarök. Surtur's crown; the vault. It's the only way.
Loki: [Seeing what Thor is getting at] Bold move, Brother. Even for me. [Runs off]
Thor: Shall we?
Valkyrie: After you.
Loki: Hit her with a lightning blast.
Thor: I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning! It did nothing!
Valkyrie: We just need to hold her off until everyone's on board.
Thor: [Looking at the Asgardians boarding the Statesman] It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard, the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.
Valkyrie: So what do we do?
Loki: I'm not doing "Get Help".
[Hela walks and approaches with her swords]
Thor: [Comes to a realization] Asgard's not a place, it's a people. Loki, this was never about stopping Ragnarök, this was about causing Ragnarök. Surtur's crown; the vault. It's the only way.
Loki: [Seeing what Thor is getting at] Bold move, Brother. Even for me. [Runs off]
Thor: Shall we?
Valkyrie: After you.
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Thor: [Throws Mjölnir as far as he can, then stand behind Loki disguised as Odin with a hand on his neck] You know that nothing will stop Mjölnir as it returns to my hand. Not even your face!
Loki: [As Odin; stammers] You've gone quite mad! You...you'll be executed for this!
Thor: Then I'll see you on the other side, brother!
Loki: [As Mjölnir streaks towards him, "Odin" reveals himself as a disguised Loki] ALRIGHT! I yield!
[Thor shoves Loki aside just in time, catching the hammer in his hand. The crowd gasps in shock and Loki smiles nervously as Thor glowers]
Skurge: [Out of breath, shoving through the crowd] Behold! Thor...Odinson-
Loki: [Snaps his fingers] No, no! [Turns and glares at Skurge] You had one job. Just the one!
Thor: Where’s Odin?
Loki: You just couldn't stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You've ruined everything. Ask them.
Thor: [moves towards Loki] Where’s Father? Did you kill him?
Loki: You had what you wanted. You had the independence you asked for. [Thor presses his hammer against Loki’s chest] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay! I know exactly where he is.
Loki: [As Odin; stammers] You've gone quite mad! You...you'll be executed for this!
Thor: Then I'll see you on the other side, brother!
Loki: [As Mjölnir streaks towards him, "Odin" reveals himself as a disguised Loki] ALRIGHT! I yield!
[Thor shoves Loki aside just in time, catching the hammer in his hand. The crowd gasps in shock and Loki smiles nervously as Thor glowers]
Skurge: [Out of breath, shoving through the crowd] Behold! Thor...Odinson-
Loki: [Snaps his fingers] No, no! [Turns and glares at Skurge] You had one job. Just the one!
Thor: Where’s Odin?
Loki: You just couldn't stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You've ruined everything. Ask them.
Thor: [moves towards Loki] Where’s Father? Did you kill him?
Loki: You had what you wanted. You had the independence you asked for. [Thor presses his hammer against Loki’s chest] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay! I know exactly where he is.
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Thor: [Examining a piece of a relic] So Earth has...wizards now, huh? [goes to put the piece back, but accidentally knocks more off. He awkwardly tries to put the relic back together]
Stephen Strange: I prefer the term "Master of the Mystic Arts". You can leave that now.
Thor: All right, wizard. Who are you and why should I care?
Strange: My name is Dr. Stephen Strange, and I have some questions for you. Take a seat.
[Motions, and Thor immediately finds himself sitting in a high-backed chair opposite Strange]
Strange: Tea?
Thor: [Sees that a cup of tea has appeared in his hand] I don't drink tea.
Strange: What do you drink?
Thor: Not tea.
[Strange turns the tea into a stein of beer]
Strange: So, I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world. Your adopted brother, Loki, is one of these beings.
Thor: He's a worthy inclusion.
Strange: [While using the Time Stone to refill the beer] Then why bring him here?
Thor: We're looking for my father.
Strange: So, if I told you where Odin was, all parties concerned would promptly return to Asgard?
Thor: Promptly.
Strange: Great. Then I'll help you.
Thor: If you knew where he was, why didn't you call me?
Strange: I have to tell you, he was adamant that he didn’t want to be disturbed. Your father said he had chosen to remain in exile. And you don't have a phone.
Thor: No, I don't have a phone, but you could have sent an electronic letter. It's called an email.
Strange: Yeah. Do you have a computer?
Thor: No. What for?
Strange: [Sarcastic] Uh-huh.
Thor: Anyway, my father is no longer in exile. So if you could tell me where he is, I can take him home.
Strange: Gladly. He's in Norway. [they go to a bookshelf and Strange flips through mystic books] I'm just seeing whether this incantation requires any Asgardian modifications. Nope. We don't need that.
Thor: [Strange is using his powers, making him spill his beer] Will you stop doing that?
Strange: I need just one strand of your hair.
Thor: Let me explain something. My hair is not to be meddled with. [Strange rips out one of his hairs] Agh!
[Strange teleports himself and Thor back to the main hallway, Thor tumbles down the stairs]
Thor: We could have just walked.
Strange: [Opening a portal to Norway] He's waiting for you.
Thor: All right.
Strange: Don't forget your umbrella.
Thor: Oh yes. [Motions his hand for the umbrella. There is the sound of crashing and breaking glass as it damages the New York Sanctum on its way to him. Strange rolls his eyes in irritation] Sorry. [The umbrella finally comes and he removes some shattered glass from it] There we go. I suppose I'll need my brother back.
Strange: Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right.
[Strange opens a portal and Loki falls back through]
Loki: I have been falling for thirty minutes!!!
Strange: You can handle him from here.
Thor: Yes. Of course. Thank you very much for your help.
Strange: Good luck.
Loki: "Handle me"? Who are you? [Pulls out his blades]
Thor: Loki...
Loki: You think you're some kind of sorcerer?! Don't think for one minute, you second-rate –
Strange: Alright. Buh-bye! [Sends Thor and Loki through a portal]
Stephen Strange: I prefer the term "Master of the Mystic Arts". You can leave that now.
Thor: All right, wizard. Who are you and why should I care?
Strange: My name is Dr. Stephen Strange, and I have some questions for you. Take a seat.
[Motions, and Thor immediately finds himself sitting in a high-backed chair opposite Strange]
Strange: Tea?
Thor: [Sees that a cup of tea has appeared in his hand] I don't drink tea.
Strange: What do you drink?
Thor: Not tea.
[Strange turns the tea into a stein of beer]
Strange: So, I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from other realms that may be a threat to this world. Your adopted brother, Loki, is one of these beings.
Thor: He's a worthy inclusion.
Strange: [While using the Time Stone to refill the beer] Then why bring him here?
Thor: We're looking for my father.
Strange: So, if I told you where Odin was, all parties concerned would promptly return to Asgard?
Thor: Promptly.
Strange: Great. Then I'll help you.
Thor: If you knew where he was, why didn't you call me?
Strange: I have to tell you, he was adamant that he didn’t want to be disturbed. Your father said he had chosen to remain in exile. And you don't have a phone.
Thor: No, I don't have a phone, but you could have sent an electronic letter. It's called an email.
Strange: Yeah. Do you have a computer?
Thor: No. What for?
Strange: [Sarcastic] Uh-huh.
Thor: Anyway, my father is no longer in exile. So if you could tell me where he is, I can take him home.
Strange: Gladly. He's in Norway. [they go to a bookshelf and Strange flips through mystic books] I'm just seeing whether this incantation requires any Asgardian modifications. Nope. We don't need that.
Thor: [Strange is using his powers, making him spill his beer] Will you stop doing that?
Strange: I need just one strand of your hair.
Thor: Let me explain something. My hair is not to be meddled with. [Strange rips out one of his hairs] Agh!
[Strange teleports himself and Thor back to the main hallway, Thor tumbles down the stairs]
Thor: We could have just walked.
Strange: [Opening a portal to Norway] He's waiting for you.
Thor: All right.
Strange: Don't forget your umbrella.
Thor: Oh yes. [Motions his hand for the umbrella. There is the sound of crashing and breaking glass as it damages the New York Sanctum on its way to him. Strange rolls his eyes in irritation] Sorry. [The umbrella finally comes and he removes some shattered glass from it] There we go. I suppose I'll need my brother back.
Strange: Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right.
[Strange opens a portal and Loki falls back through]
Loki: I have been falling for thirty minutes!!!
Strange: You can handle him from here.
Thor: Yes. Of course. Thank you very much for your help.
Strange: Good luck.
Loki: "Handle me"? Who are you? [Pulls out his blades]
Thor: Loki...
Loki: You think you're some kind of sorcerer?! Don't think for one minute, you second-rate –
Strange: Alright. Buh-bye! [Sends Thor and Loki through a portal]
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Thor: Hela! Enough! You want Asgard? It's yours.
Hela: Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. You can't defeat me.
Thor: No, I know...but he can.
[Hela gestures behind Thor. Surtur, resurrected by Loki, appears in his true form, wielding his flaming sword]
Hela: No!
Hela: Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. You can't defeat me.
Thor: No, I know...but he can.
[Hela gestures behind Thor. Surtur, resurrected by Loki, appears in his true form, wielding his flaming sword]
Hela: No!