[ After his parents enter his bedroom, Sam is desperately protesting; the Autobots are secretly outside, and Mikaela is hiding in the room ] Judy Witwicky : Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating? Ron Witwicky : Judy. Sam Witwicky : [ frantic ] Was I master... No, Mom! Ron Witwicky : Zip it, okay? Judy Witwicky : It's okay. Sam Witwicky : No, I don't masturbate! Ron Witwicky : That's not something for you to bring up. Judy Witwicky : It's okay. Ron Witwicky : That's a father-and-son thing, okay? Sam Witwicky : [ amazed ] Father-and-son thing. Judy Witwicky : I mean, you don't have to call it that word if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call it "Sam's happy time". Sam Witwicky : Happy time? Judy Witwicky : Or "My special alone time with myself". Ron Witwicky : Judy, stop. Sam Witwicky : [ final plea ] Mom, you can't come in and... Judy Witwicky : I'm sorry, it's just been a weird night; I've had a little too much to drink.

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