Wayne's World quotes

View Quote Cassandra: Yeah, and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass when it hopped.
Wayne Campbell: Interesting.

View Quote Garth Algar: Hey, Mister Donut-head Man, who's trying to kill you?
Garth [as Mr. Donut-head Man]: I don't know, but he better not!

View Quote Garth Algar: I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement. Only that's not Wayne's basement. Isn't that weird?
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, that's weird, man, that's weird. Garth! That was a haiku!
(Starting at 'I mean' and finishing at the second 'Wayne's basement', this is a haiku. I.e.:
I mean, we're looking/ Down on Wayne's basement. Only/ That's not Wayne's basement.)

View Quote Garth Algar: Okay, pop quiz. Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because... A: Chicks think he's handsome, B: has cool car, C: has lots of cash, D: has no visible scars, E: does not live with parents.
Wayne Campbell: Okay, how about, F: you're a gimp.

View Quote Garth Algar: Party on, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Party on, Garth.

View Quote Garth Algar: Uh, Wayne?
Wayne Campbell: Yeah?
Garth: Do you ever get the feeling Benjamin's not one of us?
Wayne: Good call. It's like he wants us to be liked by everyone. I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.

View Quote Mikita's Manager, Glen: Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Glen: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these. (holds up pink slip)
Glen: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Glen: Yeah, I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.
Glen: Well, the world's a twisted place.

View Quote Russel: It will be Terry's job to give the actors their hand cues.
Wayne Campbell: Excuse me, Russel, but I believe I requested the hand job...

View Quote Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out.
Wayne: Well, it does, actually. That's what breaking up is.
...
Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne: If it's a severed head I'm going to be very upset.
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne: A gun rack... a gun rack. Shyeah, Right! I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine. You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne: I lost you two months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!

View Quote Stacy: Hi, Garth.
Garth Algar: Hi.
Stacy: I'm looking for Wayne, I'm very concerned about him. He seems to be going through a difficult phase right now, you know. What do you think it is?
Garth: That you're mental.
Stacy: You know him best, what do you think I should do?
Garth: Just get over it and go out with somebody else.
Stacy: Get over it and go out with somebody else. Yeah, thanks, okay, great. [to random guy] Hi.

View Quote Terry: I love you, man.
Russell: And I love you. Because I've learned that platonic love can exist between two grown men.
Benjamin Kane: And I've learned something, too. I've learned that a flawless profile, a perfect body, the right clothes, and a great car can get you far in America, almost to the top, but it can't get you everything.

View Quote Terry: Wayne. Wayne. Garth told me about the show, man. I love you, man.
Wayne Campbell: Yeah, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry: No-no-no, I mean it, man. I LOVE you.
Wayne: No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry: No you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne: (being hugged by Terry) Garth. Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry: I love you, man.
Garth Algar (casually): Thank you. (continues dancing)

View Quote Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles.
Wayne: Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name.

View Quote Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "ass-sphincter-says-what" (spoken speedily).
Noah Vanderhoff [arcade owner]: What?
Wayne: A sphincter says what?
Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne: Exactly.

View Quote Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say it's okay, I don't mind? I don't mind. Well, I mind! I mind big-time! And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ. (Splashing water on his face to simulate tears)
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.