What Happens in Vegas quotes

View Quote Dr. Twitchell: Jack what happened to you? (asked after seeing Jack's black eye)
Jack: I fell...and hit my head on the door knob
Dr. Twitchell: You fell?
Jack: Yeah...I fall a lot these days...I'm so clumsy.
Dr. Twitchell: Are you sure no one did this to you?
Jack: I (glances at Joy) I'm suppose to line the hand towels up just so..and I didn't and I'm sorry. And I forgot to put the toilet seat down, and she said "Put it down or I'm going to put you down!!" And... (Joy pulls out cell phone and shows a video of Bear and Hater beating up Jack)
Dr. Twitchell: Can we get back to therapy now?
Jack: Yes...yes we can..

View Quote Jack: Jack Fuller. (Introducing himself to Joy's boss)
Richard: Richard Banger.
Jack: Richard Banger?...Dick Banger? You my friend have just supplied us with jokes for the whole weekend...(slight pause)
Richard: Well you must be Jack ...Off...ha ha give it to me baby!!

View Quote Jack: So why are you here
Joy: Oh you know just living it up...being crazy. What about you?
Jack: Oh I'm here on business...I'm very important in my field...
Joy: Really?
Jack: No..I just got fired.
Joy: I just got dumped.
Jack: Did I mention I got fired by my father?
Joy: Did I mention that I threw my fiance a surprise birthday party and the surprise was he dumped me in front of all our closest friends while they hid in the closets?
Jack: You win.

View Quote Jack: What's the one place where you can step up and be a man?
Hater: Community College?

View Quote Joy: (After finding out that they were booked in the same room with Jack and Hater) OK, so we both know how this is going to work. I am going to complain, and you are going to tell me there's nothing you can do about it, when we both know that is a big fat lie. So why don't you go ahead and type in those special codes that you know you are going to type in eventually, and give me two rooms that are so... nice... that it will turn my night right back around. (Smiles)
Hotel Clerk: OK...I'm going to do just what you said because honestly...I'm a little frightened of you.

View Quote (Morning after the drunk wedding) What's mine is yours! Me coffee su coffee, haha...

View Quote (To Doctor Twitchell at councilling) Her candles smell awesome!

View Quote (To Joy before she leaves for work) Don't get hit by a bus. (Door closes) Or do. Whatever.

View Quote (To Joy when she sees the bathroom) Don't throw all of that hair away. I'm saving it up to make you something special... like a hat... or a sweater.

View Quote And where's that, Jack? The starting line? Cause I got news for you buddy, the gun already went off!

View Quote Did you just make a plan to make a plan?

View Quote Do you even know how to drive an automatic?

View Quote I can totally do this! (Gasps after seeing the bathroom) I can't do this.

View Quote I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.

View Quote I'm not usually this much fun!