Yes Man quotes

View Quote Nick: Carl! Hey! Long time no see!
Carl: Nick Lane? Hey!
Nick: You don't still work at the bank, do you?
Carl: Yeah. Kinda alone sitting outside here, eating my lunch, wearing the name tag.
Nick: Huh, you must be running this place by now.
Carl: I could have. I had a couple of offers. Didn't wanna get tied down.
Nick: How's Stephanie?
Carl: Good God! She... she's good! What have you been doing?
Nick: Oh, I've been all over the map, man. I've lived! I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. I ate bat in Laos. Shot a cow with a bazooka... I'm not proud of that last one. But I did it, man!
Carl: Wow, sounds wild!
Nick: Wanna know my secret? (takes a pamphlet from outside his coat) I'm a "Yes!" man! The word "yes" has changed my life. Here.
Carl: No thanks, I'm fine.
Nick: Fine, I wet my ass with fine!
Carl: Wow, OK.
Nick: You don't wanna work here, Carl. (while stuffing the pamphlet inside Carl's jacket)
Carl: Yeah I do.
Nick: No you don't. (gets a rock out of his pocket and moves close to Carl) Why don't you take this rock, throw it at that bank and shatter the window?
Carl: (uncomfortably) No thanks.
Nick: Then ask me it I want to.
Carl: Do you wanna throw that rock at the bank?
Nick: Yes! [Nick throws the rock and shatters the bank window, setting off the alarm]
Carl: What, are you nuts?
Nick: Go to the seminar, Carl! [Nick runs away, pushing Carl aside, and is stopped by the security men]
Nick: Carl, live your life! You won't regret it!

View Quote Norman: Got tons of it at Costco. You see, I've got an exclusive membership card. And with that card, I get access to the whole place. I can buy large quantities of anything at discount prices.
Allison: Can't anyone get one of those cards?
Norman: No, don't think so. But I can talk to someone, if you'd like.
Carl: Yeah, put in a good word for us. That would be great.

View Quote Peter: (angrily) You know what, buddy? You missed my engagement party tonight.
Carl: Oh no. Oh shoot, you're kidding? That was tonight?
Peter: Mm-hm.
Carl: I'm so sorry, man, I totally gapped it! Listen, I'll make it up to you, I promise! I swear, you pick the day, any day you want, we'll go out, we'll swashbuckle!
Peter: What does that even mean?
Carl: I don't know.
Peter: This wasn't just drinks at a bar, Carl! This was MY engagement party! You only get married once.
Carl: (uncomfortably) Well, I certainly wouldn't do it again. (he's been divorced from his wife for three years.)
Peter:: (annoyed) I know Carl, I know that Stephanie left you and you bitched because of it, but this isn't about you. This is about me! When's the last time you did anything fun? You're always making excuses, "I don't want to commit, I don't wanna get tied down!" I mean, do you even know my fiancee's last name?
Carl: Yeah! It's Fisher, Fishman. Wait.. Fish-wall...
Peter: Fishwall? You think her name is Lucy... Fishwall?
Carl: No. It's wrong.
Peter: It's Burns!
Carl: Burns?
Peter: It's Lucy Burns, Carl. And guess what? She doesn't like my best friend. And I keep trying to think of reasons why she should, but you know what? I can't think any. (starts to leave)
Carl: Pete, I...
Peter: I don't wanna hear another excuse, Carl! Jesus! You do whatever you want! I'm just telling you, if you don't change your life, (exits downstairs) you're gonna end up a LONELY guy, Carl! A LOOOOOOOONELY GUY! [Carl dejectedly shuts the door]

View Quote Terrence: YES! Say it a million times. Say it a million more times. And the word you will have said two million times is...
Crowd [nude because they've donated their clothes to charity]: YES!
Terrence [seeing them all nude]: Good God.

View Quote [Allison and Carl are skeet shooting]
Allison: [preparing to shoot] So what do I do? I just - [discharges the shotgun, sending some turf flying and making everyone jump in fright]
Instructor: [steppng in] Whoa, whoa, whoa. [raises the gun to her shoulder] Here you go.
Allison: [Taking aim] Okay, uh, pull? [skeet is launched and she shoots it] I got it! I got it!
[She swings round, still holding the shotgun. Everyone dives to the floor in fright]
Allison: [oblivious] Can I do it again? Can I do it again? What's wrong?

View Quote [Carl and Lucy are working on Lucy's bridal shower]
Carl: [finding something in a catalogue] What's this? "Bridal Bingo?" How do you play "Bridal Bingo?"
Supervisor: It's the same as regular bingo, but you just yell embarrassing facts about the bride.
Carl: Yeah...
Lucy: No, I'm not doing bridal bingo.
Carl: Come on
Lucy: No, I don't want anything complicated.
Carl: [squeezing his fist] You gotta squeeze every drop of juice out of this experience. And it doesn't sound complicated. Is it complicated?
Supervisor: [unhappily] Are you going to ask a lot more question? I don't got all day. [wanders somewhere, muttering sadly in Korean]
Lucy: Maybe we should just go somewhere else.
Carl: No, it's okay, I'll talk to her.
[he approaches the supervisor]
Carl: [in Korean] Miss... Is there something wrong?
Supervisor: [looking up in surprise and responding in Korean] Yes. There is something wrong. Here I am... Sitting here all day long, watching others getting engaged and married over and over again. It's just not fair! How about me? How about Soo-Mi? When will my time come?
Carl: [In Korean] Ahh, I hear you. Soon, your time is gonna come. [Lucy looks dumbfounded] Do you see the lady who came with me? [Soo-Mi looks over at her] She's my best friend's fiancee... And she reaaaally hates my guts [Soo-Mi laughs at this remark] You'd really be hooking me up if you helped make this fun for her. Let's get on the same team here. [she smiles] What do you say, Soo-Mi?
Soo-Mi: [in English] Okay.
Carl: [In Korean] Let's go! [she repeats this]
Soo-Mi: [to Lucy] Okay, Bridal Bingo, very simple! Okay, I can explain to you in more detail if you want.

View Quote [Carl is informing Norm that he is being laid off]
Norman: [dressed like Leondias from 300] WE! ARE! SPARTA!
Carl: Hi Norm...
[scene cuts to Norm weeping on Carl's shoulder, which can put in place that he didn't take the news very well]

View Quote Don't call me past 11pm, it won't happen again. Happened once, it happened twice, it happened three times, maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe, maybe it happened six times, but it won't happen seven times. I'm not your late night booty call. Don't call me past 11 PM, it won't happen again. You can call me at 10:59 but don't call me at 11 — cause that's my rule now.

View Quote After leaving Stephanie's apartment, he sees a guy who looks like him call Carl a "no man"

View Quote After singing and playing Jumper" by Third Eye Blind on guitar to a person prepared to jump off a building

View Quote First lines of movie, refusing to answer his telephone.

View Quote Hey Carl, do you wanna give all your money away to some homeless guy? Yes, yes I do. How 'bout letting him burn up your phone battery so that you can't call triple A when your car runs out of gas? You know what? That sounds like a ****in' great idea! Why don't you take a late night stroll through the hills and get killed by the Manson family? Don't mind if I do!

View Quote I got blisters on my fingers!

View Quote I know our music isn't that mainstream — I love doing it. It's like my photography. I know there isn't that much demand for blurry photographs taken while running — but ... you know, who cares? The world's a playground! You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it.

View Quote Oh come on! You're already half-way through. Just snap it off, already!