Zorro, The Gay Blade quotes

48 total quotes

View Quote [A peasant is being stretched on the rack.]
Captain Esteban: That man was three pesos short in paying his taxes. I can assure you that he will never be short again.

View Quote [A suspicious, crazed Esteban forces an injured Diego to demonstrate his ability to move about.]
Captain Esteban: Now walking and running and jumping in place, and…
Esteban, Diego: [in unison] … now walking and running and jumping in place, and now walking and jumping and running in place—
Captain Esteban: STOP!

View Quote [After Esteban skewers the casket in which Florinda is hiding, he leaves. Diego opens the casket to find Florinda, pressed up against one side.]
Don Diego: Florinda, you're not hurt!
[She shakes her bosom.]
Florinda: Thank God for small favors!

View Quote [After hatching his masked-ball plan to trap Zorro, Esteban embraces his wife passionately.]
Captain Esteban: Do you know… that little thing… we do… one night… every year?
Florinda: Yes! Oh, yes!
[Esteban drops her on the floor and walks off.]
Captain Esteban: We still have three months to go!
Florinda: You fink!

View Quote [As Bunny Zorro gets a head start on his escape…]
Captain Esteban: Ah, Padre, with your permission, I would like to make to you a small donation, if I may, to your order.
Bunny Zorro: Your horse and your gold are gift enough! The people thank you, Your Repugnancy!
Captain Esteban: Now you mock the Church! Now you have me and God against you!
Don Diego: Me too!
Captain Esteban: FRUITCAKE!

View Quote [As the Alcade's men approach, Zorro takes his leave of Miss Wilson.]
Diego Zorro: And when I return, we will not have to worry how to pronounce, ah, ah… "bir—"
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: "Virgin"!

View Quote [Captain Esteban confronts Don Diego at his home to determine if he is Zorro]
Captain Esteban:Now, lisp like a sissy
Don Diego:[lisps]
Captain Esteban:That's right! Now, swing your hips …
Captain Esteban:Excellent! Now flap your wrists …
Captain Esteban:And repeat after me [Esteban speaks in a greatly exaggerated sissy voice] "You naughty, naughty, evil Alcalde! I am going to do … many terrible things … TO YOU!" [laughs hysterically]

View Quote [Diego admires Florinda's necklace.]
Don Diego: It looks like it'll buy the peoples a lot of houses, maybe even some schools and roads.
Florinda: Roads? What do the people need roads for? They never go anywhere.

View Quote [Diego arrives in Los Angeles.]
Don Diego: Los Angeles de California. The birthplace… of me.

View Quote [Diego is limping around on his broken foot.]
Don Diego: My father would be very ashamed of me now. To come all this distance, and miss my destiny by… a foot.

View Quote [Diego returns the money — and then some — to the old man and his family.]
Diego Zorro: You recognize that famous sign, eh?
Old Man: Oh, yes, Señor. It is a number "2".
Diego Zorro: That is not a "2". That is a "Z"!
Old Man: Oh, if you say so, Señor! But in the school, that is how they teach my granddaughter to draw a "2"!
Diego Zorro: Well, I say it is a "Z" — for "El Zorro"!

View Quote [Diego senses a flaw in Bunny's impersonation of Zorro.]
Don Diego: Dere is-a something wrong with his bowels.
Bunny Wigglesworth: My what?
Don Diego: Jour bowels! The way you say your "ah", your "ee", and your… "jooz".

View Quote [Diego's brother Ramon, now "Bunny Wigglesworth", heads inside to greet their father.]
Bunny Wigglesworth: … I ought to freshen up and say "Hi-ho!" to the old gent. Tell me, is he still as loud as ever?
[Diego looks crestfallen.]
Don Diego: No. The last month, he's been very… quiet.

View Quote [Don Diego is lounging in his bed with a beautiful woman.]
Veronica: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm a good wife?
Don Diego: Veronica… you are more exciting than Venus herself.
Veronica: Then why doesn't my husband ever say that?
Don Diego: Because he's not intelligent. He is not intuitive. He is not insightful.
[A man leaps through an open but curtained door.]
Don Garcia: And he is not in Barcelona!
. . .
Don Diego: Don Garcia, I am astonished you would enter my house without my permission!
Don Garcia: I might say the same thing about you with my wife!

View Quote [Don Diego reads a letter from his deceased father that he finds among the Zorro accoutrements.]
Vega Sr.: The sword, with which to fight injustice. This mask, with which to deceive tyranny. And this hat, which needs… reblocking.