Despicable Me quotes

View Quote [putting the girls to bed for the first time]
Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad.
Gru: Hmm... I think I can live with that.
Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs?
Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up... but try not to toss and turn.
Edith: [proud] Cool.

View Quote [watching the girls' dance recital]
Gru: They're very good.
Marlena: Ah, I'm so proud of you, son. You turned out to be a great parent. Just like me. [Gru rolls his eyes] Maybe even better. [Gru smiles]

View Quote [Gru and his daughters have just come back from Super Silly Fun Land, laughing together, with their faces painted and laden with sweets.]
Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word?
Gru: Okay, girls, go play. [the girls run off; Gru approaches Dr. Nefario; in a sing-song voice] I got the shrink ray!
[Dr. Nefario doesn't respond]
Gru: Cotton candy?
Dr. Nefario: We have twelve days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions!
[Pause]
Gru: [normal voice] Get me Perkins.

View Quote [Gru is pressured into stopping at the amusement park; they pass by one stall]
Agnes: [seeing something off-screen] Aah! Oh my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Edith: Follow me!
Margo: [pulling Gru's palm] You gotta let us play for it.
Gru: No, no, no. No-no-no-no.
Agnes: C'mon!
Gru: [in a dull and bored tone] How much for the fluffy unicorn?
Carnival Barker: Well, it's not for sale. But all you gotta do, to win it, is knock down that little spaceship there. Ha! It's easy! [points to a small plastic spaceship, which has a scary face on it; Gru sighs and hands him a dollar. The girls play, but lose]
Agnes: Again!
[Gru walks away]
Margo: Wait!
Edith: Ah, come on. One more time.
Agnes: Just one more! I accidentally closed my eyes.
[Gru gives in and hands over another dollar. The girls play, and this time, Agnes shoots a ball that hits the ship, but doesn't knock it over. The girls cheer until the sign overhead blinks the words "STOP", then "YOU LOSE!"; Edith grieves in disappointment, and Margo looks confused]
Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that! I saw that with my own eyes!
Carnival Barker: Hey buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? Ya see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! [Gru frowns] Oooh! Uh-oh, someone's got a frowny face! [to Agnes] Boo, better luck next time!
[Agnes, her lip trembling and her eyes welling up with tears, looks at Gru. Gru's blood begins to boil.]
Gru: Okay... my turn.
[He gives the Carnival Barker another dollar and the girls step aside. Gru whips out a blaster gun, aims, and fires; the Carnival Barker ducks; there is an explosion, the spaceship turns to ash and the Carnival Barker spins dizzily.]
Gru: Knocked over!
[The Barker hurriedly gives Agnes the unicorn.]
Agnes: [ecstatic] It's so fluffy!
Edith: [laughing] Yeah!
Margo: That...was awesome.
Edith: You blew up the whole thing!
Agnes: Let's go, let's try another game!

View Quote [Gru turns on the TV which shows Mr. Perkins]
Gru: Sorry to bother you Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! [shows the shrink ray] Huh? [Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk]
Mr. Perkins: Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.
Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. [shows a picture] I fly to the moon... [shows another picture] ...I shrink the moon... [shows another picture] ...I grab the moon... [shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith] I sit on the toilet... Wait, what?! [the girls laugh; nervous] Sorry. Sorry! Could you, uh... excuse me for just one second? [to the girls; whisper-yells] I told you not to touch my things, I told you, I told you, I told you a thousand times!
Margo: [not paying attention] Uh-huh. Hey, can we order pizza?
Edith: All right then.
Gru: [picks up Agnes and puts her back] Pizza? You just had lunch!
Edith: Not now, for dinner.
Gru: Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there.
Margo: Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?
[Gru suddenly stops with an irate look on his face]
Edith, Agnes, Stuart and Jerry: Ooh, stuffed crust!
Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust!
Agnes: [giggles] You're funny!
Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! [closes the door; to Mr. Perkins] Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we?
Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet.
Gru: No, no, no. I'm sorry. That was a little attempt to humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins looks at him angrily] ...inside. Now I was saying... [notices the door was open]
Mr. Perkins: You don't seem terribly focused, Gru.
Gru: Believe me, I am completely focused. I-
Edith: Hello? Whoa! That guy is huge!
Agnes: Are we on TV?
Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?!
Gru: [furious] What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! [chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him] No, no, no!
Edith: Freeze ray!
Mr. Perkins: Mr. Gru?
Gru: [makes karate sounds, but arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and buttocks] As I was saying...
Mr. Perkins: No need to continue, I've seen quite enough.
Gru: But my plan--
Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan, I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.
[Gru remembers some of his memories] Young Gru: Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!
Gru's Mom: [looks at Gru's picture, but turns back] Ehh.
Young Gru: Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!
Gru's Mom: [looks at he macaroni prototype, but regrets] Ehh.
Young Gru: [excitedly] Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype! [presses a button and sends the rocket into space]
Gru's Mom: [looks at Gru's rocket as it flies off] Ooo... [looks back at Gru] Ehh.

Gru: [Reality hits him; he falls down and breaks the ice encasing him; confused] I... don't understand.
Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long, with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a...well, a younger villain.
Gru: But I--
Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. [crushes his apple and the TV turns off]

View Quote [about a stuffed unicorn] He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!

View Quote [After getting marooned on the moon] Oh poop.

View Quote [after Vector steals the shrink ray from Gru and shrinks Gru's ship] Ugh... I hate that guy.

View Quote [clutching Gru's leg, laughing] I got your leg, I got your leg!

View Quote [from trailer, when the balloon boy points at him] You fool! How could you let them get away!

View Quote [hugging Gru] I love you.

View Quote [reading to the girls]
Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day.
Then their mother came out and said, "Time for kittens to go to bed."
Three little kittens started to bawl, "Mommy, we're not tired at all."
Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "Fine, but at least you should brush you fur."
Three little kittens with fur all brushed said, "We can't sleep, we feel too rushed!"
Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."
Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.
"We can't sleep, we can't even try." Then their mother sang a lullaby.
"Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise.
Though while you sleep, we are apart, your mommy loves you with all her heart."

View Quote [referring to the bedtime story "Sleepy Kittens"] Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this?

View Quote [referring to the pancake that Gru baked for her; eager] Yes! Mine is shaped like a dead guy!

View Quote [referring to the unicorn toy] Fix it? Look, it has been disintergrated. By definition it cannon be fixed.