Mystery Men quotes

View Quote Mr. Furious: Do yourself a favor and don't punch my clock, 'cause I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
Casanova Frankenstein: It is 'Pandora'.
Mr. Furious: Uh, please don't correct me. It sickens me.

View Quote Shoveler: Doctor, you are a genius.
Dr. Heller: That's what the card says.

View Quote The Shoveler: Oh yeah, well, maybe if we had a billionaire benefactor like Lance Hunt, then we could afford some advertising.
Mr. Furious: I think that's because Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.
Blue Raja: Oh, here we go.
Shoveler: Oh, don't start that again! Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.
Mr. Furious: [Long-suffering] He takes them off when he transforms.
Shoveler: That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!

View Quote Tony P: What do we got here?
Tony C: I think they're supposed to be jive superheroes.
Tony P: Well, they made a big mistake coming to Casanova's place. [he draws a gun; the heroes snicker.] What's so funny?
Mr. Furious: That's it? That's your power? You have guns? Couldn't you be a little more creative than that?
Blue Raja: Pardon the impertinence, guv'nor, but what the devil does a pistol have to do with disco?
Disco Boy: It's a Saturday Night Special.
Mr. Furious: Weak.
Blue Raja: At best. [more Disco Boys arrive, armed with a variety of blunt instruments.]
Shoveler: Check out the guy with the pipe. What are you, the Disco Plumber?
Blue Raja: There's no theme at all here, mates!
Mr. Furious: I mean, if you're gonna carry a chain, at least make it a gold chain, and that's just off the top of my head... [To Tony C] Yo, what's up, Tiger Lily?
Tony C: Top of your head, huh?
[The Disco Boys beat the heroes up]

View Quote Tony P: You guys never learn, do you?
Blue Raja: Apparently we don't — ass!

View Quote Vic the publicist: I think right now we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good.
Captain Amazing: Yeah - you think so? 'Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know... PATHETIC! "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic.
Vic: Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. And thanks to you, we've got none left.
Captain Amazing: Then get... the... Death Man!
Vic: Death Man is dead.
Captain Amazing: Okay — Father Doom.
Vic: Life without parole. Apocalypta's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair —
Captain Amazing: Really?
Vic: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house.
Captain Amazing: Casanova Frankenstein - now there was a supervillain! You know, he just... he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but... and that voice! Such pure evil! The battles we used to have — extraordinary!
Vic: "Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."

View Quote Warren, Shoveller's Son: I believe in you, Dad.
Lucille: Warren, do not encourage your father.

View Quote (At the final battle with Casanova)
Mr. Furious: Rage... taking over...
Casanova: Ya, ya, ya. We've heard all that before.
Mr. Furious: No, no, no... Rage... really taking over...

View Quote [Arguing with the Sphinx's clich?d speeches]
Mr. Furious: Okay. Am I the only one who finds these sayings just a bit formulaic? "If you wanna put something down, you gotta pick it up". "If you wanna go left, you gotta go right". It's...
Sphinx: Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage —
Mr. Furious: Your rage will become your master? [The Sphinx freezes, caught] That's what you were gonna say, right? Right?
Sphinx: ... Not necessarily.

View Quote [As a training exercise, Mr. Furious is trying to balance a small hammer on his head]
Mr. Furious: Why am I doing this again?
Sphinx: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
Mr. Furious: And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
Sphinx: I don't remember telling you to do that.

View Quote [Escaping Casanova Frankenstein's mansion after bungling the rescue]
The Spleen: Where's Captain Amazing?
Blue Raja: [Stressed] There's been a bit of a ****-up, actually...
The Bowler: Raja murdered him!
[They begin to squabble]
Mr. Furious: Guys? I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now.

View Quote [Rescuing Captain Amazing from Casanova's weapon of mass destruction]
Captain Amazing: Now flip the second toggle.
The Bowler: [Having already flipped on his instructions once] ... Again?
Captain Amazing: What do you mean?
The Bowler: Flip the toggle twice?
Captain Amazing: No-no-no, don't do that, just flip it again, now, one time! Flip it.
The Bowler: [To Mr. Furious] ... Does he understand what I'm asking?
Mr. Furious: Hold on a second - Captain, exactly how many toggle flips in toto are involved in this procedure?
Captain Amazing: [Flustered] I just - I - Seven!
Mr. Furious: [Incredulous] Seven?!
Captain Amazing: [A little hysterical] Flip it!!
[The weapon begins to hum omniously and increasingly loudly]
The Bowler: Hold the phone! Everybody hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for in a moment of panic.
Captain Amazing: [Very hysterical] FLIP IT!!!
Mr. Furious: Okay, you know what, can we just start again? Is there like a reset button on this thing or something?
Captain Amazing: No you little freak, there's no button for resetting! Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron!
The Bowler: [Offended] Whoa! I am not a moron.
Captain Amazing: You're a moron! You're a moron! Flip the switch, lady!
Mr. Furious: [Gently rebuking] Hey, don't call her a moron, that's not cool...
The Bowler: Thank you!
Blue Raj: [Fed up] I'll do it! I'll do it! It's this one, yes?
The Bowler: No!
[Blue Raj flips the wrong switch - the weapon activates]
Captain Amazing: Uh-oh - wrong switch.
[The weapon kills Captain Amazing in a horrific and grotesque fashion as the Mystery Men watch, appalled]
Mr. Furious: ... Everybody heard me say 'reset button', right?
Blue Raja: [Horrified] Oh my God... Oh my God, we've killed him...
The Shoveler: What do you mean, 'we'? I was right here.
[The Bowler approaches Amazing's fried, calcified and mutated corpse cautiously]
The Bowler: I'm gonna check his pulse...
[She gently touches his wrist; it breaks off from his arm and smashes into pieces on the floor]
The Bowler: ... I don't think he's gonna pull through.

View Quote [Rescuing Captain Amazing]
The Shoveler: Captain, I'm just going to ask you directly; do you know billionaire Lance Hunt?
Captain Amazing: It's me. [Shoveler looks surprised and disappointed] Nah, I'm only kiddin' ya - I always wanted to do that.

View Quote [Shoveler, Mr. Furious, and blue Raja step into Invisible Boy's living room. IB's father is sitting on the couch]
Invisible Boy: Hey dad, I'm going to my room with three strange men.
IB's father: [absent-mindedly] Okay, son.

View Quote [The Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]
Mom: Jeffrey, what are you doing?
Blue Raja: I'm, uh, I'm just... I... I... [shifts to British accent] I'm a superhero, mother.
Mom: A superhero?
Blue Raja: An effete British superhero, to be precise. The Blue Raja is my name, and yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. I am pilfering your tableware because...I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger mother, hard cheese to swallow I know, but there it is. What will the bridge club think?