Spaceballs quotes

81 total quotes

Multiple Characters
Notes
Opening credits
President Skroob

View Quote [Lone Starr sneaks up behind a guard and grabs him by the neck.]
Guard:: What hell are you doing?
Lone Starr: The Vulcan neck pinch?
Guard:: No, no stupid. You've got it much too high, it's more down here where the shoulder meets the neck.
Lone Starr: Like this?
Guard: Yeah!
[The guard collapses.]

View Quote [Lone Starr, Barf, Dot Matrix, and Vespa are making a long trek across the desert.]
Lone Starr: Water...water...
Dot Matrix: Oil...oil...
Vespa: Room service...room service..

View Quote [Spaceball One is at ludicrous speed, having passed Lone Starr's Winnebago]
Dark Helmet: We passed 'em; stop this thing!
Colonel Sandurz: We can't stop, it's too dangerous. We have to slow down first.
Dark Helmet: Bullshit! Stop this thing, I order you, stop!!
[Colonel Sandurz reaches out and uses the emergency brake, which has a "Never use" warning on it. Helmet goes flying forward, while screaming, into a control panel, denting it and his helmet up severely.]
Colonel Sandurz: Are you all right, sir?
Dark Helmet: [slightly dazed] Fine. How have you been?
Colonel Sandurz: Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
Dark Helmet: Yeah....
Colonel Sandurz: What should we do now, sir?
Dark Helmet: Well...are we stopped?
Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. Why don't we take a five minute break?
Colonel Sandurz:Very good, sir.
Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got 'em. (Falls over)

View Quote [After discovering that most of his ship's crew consists of members of the same Asshole family] I knew it! I'm surrounded by Assholes!(Pulls down his helmet) Keep firing, Assholes!

View Quote [aiming his Schwartz ring at Lone Starr's crotch] Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.

View Quote [feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed] My brains are going into my feet!

View Quote [in tiny print]: If you can read this, you don't need glasses.

View Quote [Mr.Radar has just been "jammed".] There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: [pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face] Lone Starr! [camera slams into his face and knocks him out]

View Quote [On why he was running down the bridge] The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie'll be over.

View Quote [waking up on the Tatooine-like moon of Vega and surrounded by the Dinks] ...Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?

View Quote Aw, buckle this!

View Quote â†‘ John Hurt played Executive Officer Kane in the 1979 film Alien. In the film, an alien popped out of Hurt's chest, thus the line "not again!".

View Quote â†‘ Saying that in another way, Dark Helmet is the former roommate of Lone Starr's first or second cousin. He could be Lone Starr's former roommate as well, but that's unlikely. It could also be that his father's brother (uncle) has a nephew through his wife, whose cousin would therefore not be a blood relative of Lone Starr's, making the roommate connection all the more ludicrous.

View Quote Come back here, you fat bearded bitch!

View Quote Commence operation [pause] Vacu-suck.