Team America: World Police quotes

View Quote 9/11 times ... [various characters]

View Quote Both Lisa and Sarah: I treasure your friendship.

View Quote Empath: I sense... [The obvious or erroneous]

View Quote Gary Johnston: We were all out at the zoo one day. I was doing some acting, walking on the railing of the gorilla exhibit. I fell in. Everyone screamed and Tommy jumped in after me, forgetting that he had blueberries in his front pocket. The gorillas just went wild. They jumped all over his body and... threw him around like a rag doll to get to those blueberries. One gorilla would throw him to another gorilla who, tossed him to another... Everyone panicked and cried out for somebody to help but it was too late. The gorillas... beat him to death, before the zookeepers could gas them all. My acting... got my brother killed. I got to live with that, every single day.
Lisa: Gary, you can't blame yourself for what gorillas did.

View Quote Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how ****ing busy I am?

View Quote Lisa: God, I'm so confused! It's too soon to be having feelings for you.
Gary Johnston: Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them.

View Quote Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
Gary Johnston: [blank and insincere] I Promise, I Will Never Die.

View Quote Lisa: Terrorize this!

View Quote Alec Baldwin: We are here to usher in a new era without violence. By following the rules of the Film Actors Guild, the world can become a better place ...that handles dangerous people with talk, and reasoning. That... is the **** way. One day you will all look at the world us actors created and say, "Wow, good goin', ****. You really made the world a better place, didn't ya, ****?"

View Quote Chechen Leader: [to Gary] I like you. You have balls. I like balls.

View Quote Chris: I hate to break this little party, but there are still a lot of bad guys out there.
Gary Johnston: Er-well, then let's show the bad guys the police are back in force!
Lisa: **** yeah.
Gary Johnston: **** yeah.

View Quote Chris: Well, I am not going anywhere with this [lays hands on Gary] ****in' traitor!
Joe: Yeah! What makes you think we'll take you back, you douchebag?!
Chris: We're doing this without you!
Spottswoode: Now hold on team, Gary has already proven to me, that he is one hundred percent committed to the team. He proved it last night by sucking my ****!
[for a brief moment, the team gaze at Gary a little suspiciously]
Joe: Uhright! Come on, team, we gotta find that stage!

View Quote Gary Johnston: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my ****!
[He pauses and grins sardonically]
Spottswoode: Heh, Heh. Just kidding!

View Quote Gary: [irritated and barking] I said get away from me!! I'm completely lost! I've hit rock bottom!
Woman at Window: Get out of the street, you ****ing bum! [Gary stumbles against some trash near a bin] You gave up on life, didn't ya?!

View Quote Joe: Wadda you think Spottswoode sees in him?
Lisa: I dunno, but I think I see it too.