Team America: World Police quotes

View Quote Kim Jong Il: And now you see: thenew world is inevetabre!
Lisa: It's what?
Kim Jong Il: Inev- inevitabre
Lisa: One more time...
Kim Jong Il: Inevitabre! Things are inevatbry going to change! God dammit, open your ****in' ears!

View Quote Kim Jong Il: Don't ****ing move! [crowd stops]You were all going to be treated to a fablous show but now party's over! For I am the great Kim Jong Il!
Gary Johnston: [seeing Lisa] Lisa! [runs off]
Kim Jong Il: And I am the greatest terrorist ever to have lived!! [Lisa slides towards Kim Jong Il]
Lisa: Terrorize this. [kicks over the balcony. He falls onto the enlarged spike on an old style German military hat]

View Quote Kim Jong Il: I'm afraid your world is over! [presses the button to set of the WMD's] in five minutes! [Countdown timer appears] Yes! [breaking the fourth wall triumphantly] The ticking crock!!

View Quote Lisa to Gary: You had me at "dicks **** assholes".

View Quote Liv Tyler: If we focus our acting on global politics, we can change everything and stuff.
George Clooney: We've all done action films. If anyone tries to get in our way, we'll show 'em just how tough us actors really are.

View Quote Peter Jennings: Team America has once again pissed off the entire world after blowing up half of Cairo.
Tim Robbins: Let me explain to you how this works. You see, the corporations finance Team America. And then Team America goes out and the corporations sit there in their, ih in their corporation buildings and, and and see that's, they're all corporationy, and they make money. Mhm.
Sean Penn: Last year, I went to Iraq. Before Team America showed up, it was a happy place. They had... flowery meadows and rainbow skies and, and rivers made of chocolate where the children danced and laughed and played with gumdrop smiles.
Matt Damon: Matt Damon.

View Quote Sean Penn: Qapla!
All assembled actors: Qapla!
Tim Robbins: [touting a machinegun] I swear they won't reach the stage!

View Quote Soldier: Hoi te? Han ching! Pae ja, Hans Brix bo tae so tae ka. [Sir, Hans Blix is here from the United Nations]
Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! [Enter Hans Blix] Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't-have-any-weapons-a-mass-destwuction, 'kay Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, ya-breakin' my balls here, Hans, ya breakin' my balls!
Hans Blix: I'm sorry, but the U.N. must be firm with you. Let me see your whole palace, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or erse what?
Hans Blix: Or else - we will be very, very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
Kim Jong Il: Okay, I show you, Hans. You'r ready? Stand a rittre to your reft.
[Hans Blix moves to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Rittle more.
[Hans Blix moves further to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Gewd.
[Hans Blix falls into a trap and is subsequently attacked by sharks.]
Kim Jong Il: There you go, Hans Brix. How you rike that, you butt-****ing ****!
[Hans Blix struggles to escape the sharks in vain]
Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how ****in busy I am, Hans Brix? Werr, **** you! You want inspection? Werr, inspect that, You butt-****ing piece of shit! What, you think I'm just a petty arms dealer? I'm pranning the attack! Congratulations Team America, you have stopped nothing...

View Quote Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. has gathered, it would be 9/11 times a hundred.
Gary: Nine-eleven times a hundred... Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes. Ninety-one thousand one hundred.
Joe: Basically all the worst parts of the Bible.

View Quote Spottswoode: We will disguise you as as terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us all the information we need to stop this whole thing from happening. Of course, if you're not interested, there's the door.
Gary: Alright, thanks. (Walks out of the door.)
Spottswoode: Huh.

View Quote Spottswoode: Baxter, I think we can valmorphanize safely now.
[Baxter presses the valmorphanize button, turning the limousine into a jet ("cool" music), and takes off (Team America theme)]
Gary Johnston: [(grim music)] Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat its own head?
Gary Johnston: No!
Spottswoode: So, then you haven't seen everything. And neither have we.

View Quote Spottswoode: Come into my car
Gary Johnston: Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get'n your car and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.
Spottswoode: No. I just want to show you something.
Gary Johnston: Yeah I'll bet you do.
Spottswoode: Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to **** your mouth, and my time is extremely valuable!

View Quote Spottswoode: Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think.
Lisa: Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood.

View Quote Spottswoode: If you're going to storm Kim Jong Il's palace singlehanded, we have very little time left to make you the world's ultimate soldier! ...which will be difficult, because you're gay now. [walks away]
[Gary frowns]

View Quote Spottswoode: Let me explain to you, the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's **** in your mouth, you make a pact; a bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated... that he will get down on his knees and put that **** right in his mouth.