Who Framed Roger Rabbit quotes

View Quote Roger Rabbit: What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
Eddie Valiant: You really want to know? I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother.
Roger Rabbit: A toon? No-o!
Eddie Valiant: Yes, a toon. We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown, thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the drop on us, literally. Dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. Broke my arm, Teddy never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing, with those burning red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that.
Roger Rabbit: [sobbing] No wonder you hate me! If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too!

View Quote Roger Rabbit: Yeah! Check the probate! Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with his "probate", and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water!
Eddie Valiant: Not prostate, you idiot! Probate!

View Quote Smart Ass: Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger Rabbit: What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
Eddie Valiant: What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.

View Quote Smart Ass: Say, Judge. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
Judge Doom: No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me.
[Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter]
Judge Doom: No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
...
Judge Doom: Shave, and a haircut...
[Roger crashes through the wall]
Roger Rabbit: Two bits!

View Quote Tweety Bird: Oh, look! Piggies. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had...
[Eddie screams as he falls down]
Tweety Bird: Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.
[Eddie is falling; Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, both wearing parachutes, join him]
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumping without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. You could get killed. Heh, heh.
Eddie Valiant: You guys got a spare?
Mickey Mouse: Uh, Bugs does.
Eddie Valiant: Yeah?
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
Eddie Valiant: I do, I do, give it to me.
Mickey Mouse: Gee, better let him have it, Bugs.
Bugs Bunny: Okay, Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare.
Eddie Valiant: Thank you.
[Mickey and Bugs deploy parachutes; Eddie pulls ripcord on parachute, car tire comes out]
Eddie Valiant: OH NO!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
Mickey Mouse: Aw, poor fella.
Bugs Bunny: Yeah, ain't I a stinker?

View Quote (calliope begins playing "The Merry Go Round Broke Down")
Eddie: Now Roger is his name/And laughter is his game/Come on you dope, untie his rope/And watch him go insane.
(does slapstick pratfalls to make the weasels laugh)
Jessica Rabbit: He's lost his mind.
Roger Rabbit: I don't think so.
Eddie: This singing's not my line/It's tough to make a rhyme/If I get stuck, I'm out of luck--
Jessica: I'm running out of time!
Eddie: Thanks!
(more pratfalls; weasels start dying of laughter)
Roger Rabbit: Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killing 'em! You're slaying 'em! You're knocking 'em dead!
Eddie: I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the-- *gets hit in head with vase*
Roger: Nose!
Smart Ass: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls!
Eddie: No, but this does!
(kicks Smart Ass in the groin, sending him flying, screaming, into the Dip Mixer, which then dissolves him)

View Quote (Roger finds Benny locked in the back of the Toon Patrol paddy wagon)
Benny the Cab: Hey, you weasels! Let me outta here, will ya? Come on! I gotta make a living!
Roger Rabbit: Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!

View Quote [After a weasel is caught in a bear trap from Jessica's cleavage]
Eddie Valiant: Nice "booby" trap.

View Quote [Eddie gets $50 for a $100 job]
Eddie Valiant: Where's the other fifty?
R.K. Maroon: Let's call the other fifty a "carrot" to finish the job.
Eddie Valiant: You've been hanging around rabbits too long.

View Quote [Eddie is about to pick up the hand buzzer that fell off of Acme's corpse when Judge Doom stops him with his cane]
Judge Doom: Is this man removing evidence from the scene of the crime?
Lt. Santino: Ah, no, Judge Doom. Valiant here was just picking it up for you. Weren't you, Eddie?
Judge Doom: Hand it over.
Eddie Valiant: Sure thing.
[zaps Doom with buzzer]
Eddie Valiant: Their number one seller.
Judge Doom: I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you.
Eddie Valiant: I wasn't working for a toon. I was working for R.K. Maroon.
Judge Doom: Yes, we talked to Mr. Maroon. He said the rabbit became quite agitated when you showed him the pictures. The rabbit swore one way or another he and his wife were going to be happy. Is that true?
Eddie Valiant: Hey, pal. Do I look like a stenographer?
Lt. Santino: Shut your yap, Eddie. The man's a judge.
Judge Doom: That's all right, Lieutenant. From the smell of him, I'd say it was the booze talking.

View Quote [Eddie sneaks up on Maroon]
Eddie Valiant: What's Up, Doc?
R.K. Maroon: Valiant, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?
Eddie Valiant: You need a heart, before you can have an attack.
R.K. Maroon: Yeah, yeah. You got the will?
Eddie Valiant: Sure. I got the will. Question is, do you have the way? I can tell you now it ain't gonna come cheap.

View Quote [Marvin Acme squirts ink from his pen on Eddie's shirt and laughs]
Eddie Valiant: You think that's funny?
Marvin Acme: It's a panic!
Eddie Valiant: [grabs Acme by the lapels] You won't think it's so funny when I stick that pen up your nose!
Marvin Acme: Calm down son, will ya. Look the stain's gone, it's disappearing ink.
[the stain fades away]
Marvin Acme: No hard feelings, I hope. Listen, I'm--
Eddie Valiant: I know who you are. Marvin Acme, The guy who owns Toontown; the Gag King.

View Quote [the Toons gather around Judge Doom's remains]
Mickey Mouse: Gosh! I wonder what he really was?
Bugs Bunny: I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
Daffy Duck: Or a duck.
Goofy: Or a dog.
Pinocchio: Or a little wooden boy.
Big Bad Wolf:[Comes out of sheep's clothing] Or a sheep.
Woody Woodpecker: Or a woodpecker.
Sylvester: Or a pussy cat.

View Quote [When all is over]
Jessica Rabbit: Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.
Roger Rabbit: Was I, really?
Jessica Rabbit: Better than Goofy.

View Quote Eddie: Not really. That lame-brain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a toon.
[moves the street line towards a wall, Lena Hyena crashes into the wall] Toons. Gets 'em every time.