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(Ryan notices the Chipmunks meeting the female students)
Ryan: Somebody's gonna hafta knock those guys down to size.
Xander: That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only 8 inches tall.
Ryan: Somebody's gonna hafta knock those guys down to size.
Xander: That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only 8 inches tall.
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[Ryan and Xander have dropped Simon into the toilet]
Simon: Can't swim! Help!
Alvin: Grab on, Simon! [pulls Simon out of the toilet]
Simon: Thanks. [shakes himself off]
Alvin: Are you okay?
Simon: Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.
Alvin: I'll be right back. [walks into the corridor]
Simon: Alvin, Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence!
[they spot Theodore hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander try poking him]
Ryan: It's the fatty ratty.
Theodore: Cut it out!
[they poke his rear]
Ryan: This rat has serious junk in the trunk.
Theodore: Hey!
Xander: Yeah, little fatty.
Theodore: Stop it!
Ryan: Tickles when I poke him. [Alvin and Simon furiously attack Ryan and Xander] Mommy!
Simon: Can't swim! Help!
Alvin: Grab on, Simon! [pulls Simon out of the toilet]
Simon: Thanks. [shakes himself off]
Alvin: Are you okay?
Simon: Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.
Alvin: I'll be right back. [walks into the corridor]
Simon: Alvin, Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence!
[they spot Theodore hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander try poking him]
Ryan: It's the fatty ratty.
Theodore: Cut it out!
[they poke his rear]
Ryan: This rat has serious junk in the trunk.
Theodore: Hey!
Xander: Yeah, little fatty.
Theodore: Stop it!
Ryan: Tickles when I poke him. [Alvin and Simon furiously attack Ryan and Xander] Mommy!
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[the Chipmunks answer the phone]
Simon: Be cool.
Alvin and Simon: [slowly] Hello?
Dave: Guys, it's me.
Alvin and Simon: Dave!?
Alvin: As in "Dave"?
Dave: Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.
Alvin: Have a little faith, Dave!
Theodore: Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday! [lands on a pan, and it hits the floor]
Dave: What was that?
Simon: [whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.
Alvin: Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a zesty five-course meal.
Dave: Really? Well, Can I talk to her?
Theodore: She's practicing her pole dancing.
[Alvin and Simon look confused]
Dave: Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's goin' on?
Alvin: Gotta go, Dave!
Dave: Alvin, I'm not kidding!
Alvin: Feel better!
Dave: ALVI–!!
Alvin: [hangs up just before Dave finishes] Yep! Nobody does that better than him.
Simon: Be cool.
Alvin and Simon: [slowly] Hello?
Dave: Guys, it's me.
Alvin and Simon: Dave!?
Alvin: As in "Dave"?
Dave: Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.
Alvin: Have a little faith, Dave!
Theodore: Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday! [lands on a pan, and it hits the floor]
Dave: What was that?
Simon: [whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.
Alvin: Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a zesty five-course meal.
Dave: Really? Well, Can I talk to her?
Theodore: She's practicing her pole dancing.
[Alvin and Simon look confused]
Dave: Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's goin' on?
Alvin: Gotta go, Dave!
Dave: Alvin, I'm not kidding!
Alvin: Feel better!
Dave: ALVI–!!
Alvin: [hangs up just before Dave finishes] Yep! Nobody does that better than him.
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[the Chipmunks are sent to Dr. Rubin's office after their brawl against Ryan and Xander]
Dr. Rubin: You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
Simon: That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Dr. Rubin: I should suspend all 3 of you.
Alvin: Please do.
Dr. Rubin: Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
Simon: That's awful.
Dr. Rubin: I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.
Simon: And you want us to perform?
Alvin: 'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.
Dr. Rubin: Why don't you sleep on it?
[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]
Alvin: Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!
Theodore: I look skinny.
Dr. Rubin: [shocked that they have noticed] Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could– [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like, "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
Alvin: Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
Theodore: Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.
Simon: Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!
Alvin: [unenthusiastically] Yay.
Dr. Rubin: Go, Eagles!
Theodore: Eagles?! Where?!
Dr. Rubin: You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
Simon: That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Dr. Rubin: I should suspend all 3 of you.
Alvin: Please do.
Dr. Rubin: Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
Simon: That's awful.
Dr. Rubin: I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.
Simon: And you want us to perform?
Alvin: 'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.
Dr. Rubin: Why don't you sleep on it?
[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]
Alvin: Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!
Theodore: I look skinny.
Dr. Rubin: [shocked that they have noticed] Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could– [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like, "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
Alvin: Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
Theodore: Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.
Simon: Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!
Alvin: [unenthusiastically] Yay.
Dr. Rubin: Go, Eagles!
Theodore: Eagles?! Where?!
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[the Chipmunks have been talking with the female students at lunch]
Ryan: Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls... Are you thinkin' about them?
Alvin: Well, I am now.
Ryan: That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!!
[he tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they escape]
Ryan: Xander, come on!
[Xander follows him]
Xander: Get back here, you dirty rats!
Ryan: Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls... Are you thinkin' about them?
Alvin: Well, I am now.
Ryan: That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!!
[he tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they escape]
Ryan: Xander, come on!
[Xander follows him]
Xander: Get back here, you dirty rats!
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[after escaping Ian] Hey, Ian! In the words of the Donald: You're fired!
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[after meeting Eleanor] She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.
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[after meeting Jeanette] Her glasses were quite fetching.
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[after the Eagles' mascot falls down the stairs] That wasn't very fun-ish.
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[to Ryan] And you call yourself a jock.
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[While playing dodgeball] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [Gets hit by a dodgeball] Right in the pancreas.
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Everybody, shake what your mama gave ya!
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I think Theodore was looking at me!
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I'm gonna crack you like an acorn and eat you for dinner! With some fava beans and a nice chianti. (imitates Hannibal Lecter)
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I'm not going anywhere without Daaa...! [the doctor injects him in the rear with a sedative] ...aaaydream believer, and the homecoming queen... [falls out cold]